Game Reality
by Kokkan
Summary: *COMPLETE* Chapter 14 is up!! A group of friends get sucked into LoZ: OoT. Not the usual self-insertion fic. In Chapter 14, the group battles Ganon! Please R/R.
1. Chapter 1 The Beginning

Author's Notes: Kokkan: Alright, here's the first Zelda fanfiction. Basically it's about a group of friends who get sucked into Ocarina of Time, and become either a) Zelda characters or b) new characters. Along the way us muses will pop in. To reduce the confusion, there's myself, Domino, UnicornGirl, Sweetpea, Icy, DeathAngel, Kim, Freakees, and Rabid Chipmunk. *Gasps for air* Anyway, read on.  
  
Disclaimer: Do you think I own Zelda? If you do, your mind is very under developed. Here, have a Twinkie.  
  
Warnings: High levels of insanity, corny humor, tons of self-insertion, bashing of the Kokiri (Nothing against the Kokiri, EVERYBODY gets bashed in this fic)...etc...  
  
One more thing. [ ] means author's note at the bottom. ^_^  
  
Legend of Zelda: Game Reality Chapter 1  
  
In a bright, cheerful living room, three teenagers and one preteen sit on the floor in front of the TV.  
  
The oldest teenager is a girl with reddish-brown hair pulled into a ponytail, and aqua contacts in her eyes. She is wearing a black and gray shirt with monkeys on it, and black pleather pants. Her name is Cherri. [1]  
  
The second oldest of the group is a boy with light blond hair and silvery blue eyes. He is wearing a black shirt that has 'Watch Out, I'm a Martian' written on it, and cargo jeans. His name is John, though everyone refers to him as John-John.  
  
The third teen is Kristin, whose (one of many) muse is Kokkan, the author of this fanfiction. She has brown hair, and eyes that switch from grayish- blue to hazel and wears glasses. She is wearing an light green tank top and black jeans.  
  
The preteen is John-John's sister, named Danielle. She has light blond hair and hazel eyes. She also has glasses. She is wearing a white tank top and jean shorts.  
  
Even though, like I said before, the living room is bright and cheerful, the mood of Kristin is not. Why? Just listen in...  
  
Kristin: I haaate this Water Temple! Die! Die! DIIIIIEEEEE!!!  
  
John-John: This is the third time you've told the game to die, die, die. It's getting old. Just let me get you through the temple, and you can battle Dark Link and Morpha. [2]  
  
Kristin: NOOO!!! I shall conquer this temple...Mweheehee...  
  
Cherri: You are seriously scaring me.  
  
Danielle: Try seeing her when she has too much sugar, THEN she's really scary.  
  
Kristin: WHAT?! I AM STUCK! HOW RUDE! *Throws the controller against the TV screen, shattering it* KYAAA!!! What have I done?! I am so dead! *Wails*  
  
Danielle: Uh...Kristin, your N64 is smoking...  
  
Cherri: You're TV is flickering black and white, too...  
  
John-John: Cool.  
  
Kristin: COOL?! If this is so cool, you can pay for it, mista!  
  
John-John: Ooh, I'm scared now.  
  
Kristin: STOP BEING SARCASTIC!  
  
Danielle: Uh, Kristin, you're TV's about to-  
  
*The TV explodes, sending a bright white light everywhere. When if fades, we're all gone. Stop your cheering.*  
  
John-John: Ugh...Cookies? Back up the truck... *Wakes up and looks around* Hey, this looks like Link's treehouse...Couldn't be...Hm? *Looks at the doorway* [3]  
  
Fairy: Hey! Look! Listen! Watch out! I'm gonna run into your-*Bashes into John-John's face*  
  
John-John: *Pulls the fairy off his face* Get off me, you stupid bug...Wait...don't say it's-  
  
Fairy: Hey! Look! Listen! I'm Navi the Fairy!  
  
John-John: -Navi. Blast it.  
  
Navi: I'm gonna be your fairy partner from now on! Nice ta metcha! Wanna know how to roll forward?!  
  
John-John: NO.  
  
Navi: Hmph! Grump! Anywhoo, come on, Link! The Great Deku Tree wants to see you! But I can't see how Hyrule's destiny really depends on such a lazy boy! And such a young boy! Ten years old! WIMP!  
  
John-John: Number one, bug, I'm not Link. Number two, I'm not ten. I'm fourteen.  
  
Navi: Uh, yes you're Link! And yes you're ten! Duh! *Rolls eyes*  
  
John-John: No I'm not.  
  
Navi: YES YOU ARE!  
  
John-John: NO I'm NOT.  
  
Navi: Check da mirror, bucko!  
  
John-John: I'm not bucko. *Grabs Navi and throws her out of the house and walks over to mirror/sink type thingie* Huh? GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-*Takes a breath* -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Navi: *Flies back in* Hey! Look! Listen! How rude of ya ta throw me out da window! What's wrong?!  
  
John-John: I'm a kid?! And in a SKIRT?! O_O; And I'm TEN! *Punches mirror*  
  
Navi: *Dodges flying glass* Seven years bad luck! Kakakakaka!  
  
John-John: *Blinks* Kakakakaka?  
  
Navi: Uh...insteada hahahahaha! Ya know, get it?! Antywayz, of course you're a kid, and it's a tunic, not a skirt! Duh! *Smacks John-John over the head*  
  
John-John: At least I still look like me...Stupid hat...*Takes off Link's weird lookin' hat and throws it out of the window*  
  
Navi: Well, hey! Look! Listen! Let's get going before I start ranting out how to open a door!  
  
John-John: Whatever, bug. Come on. *Walks out of tree house*  
  
Navi: Hey! I'm notta bug! *Follows Link*  
  
John-John: *Walks out of treehouse and looks around* ...Hm? *Looks down*  
  
Girl: YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! HI LINK!  
  
John-John: *Blinks* She sounds like she's riding a horse or somethin'.  
  
Navi: Well, welcome to the hyper world of Kokiri! Everybody's overly cheerful, hyper, or grumpy, or insane! It's always been that way! Duh!  
  
John-John: *Climbs down ladder* Faith...? [4]  
  
Girl: I'm Saria, silly! Heehee! Oh, look a fairy! Wow, you got a fairy!  
  
John-John: Faith?!  
  
Saria: Oh, what a pretty name for a fairy! Hi Faith!  
  
John-John: No, she's Navi, you're Faith!  
  
Saria: I am? But...I thought I was Saria! Oh well, you must be tired so you're not thinking straight! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
John-John: *Blinks* What's so funny?  
  
Saria: Um...I dunno...Hee hee hee!  
  
John-John: Whatever, Faith.  
  
Saria: I'm SARIA!  
  
John-John: You're Faith! I mean, in Ocarina of Time, you've got green hair! Now you've got blonde!  
  
Saria: I've always had blonde hair, Link...Oh, wow! The Great Deku Tree actually summoned you? WHAT an HONOR! *Giggles*  
  
John-John: How'd you know that? [5]  
  
Saria: *Stops giggling and frowns* Um...how did I know? Strange...*Falls over laughing*  
  
John-John: O_O  
  
Navi: Dun worry, Link! She's just overdosed on berry sugar! She'll act normal in a little bit!  
  
John-John: Good...V_V  
  
Navi: Well, COME ON! The Great Deku Tree is awaitin'!  
  
John-John: We'd better get a sword and shield first, Mido'll be blocking the way.  
  
Navi: NO he WON'T! COME ON!  
  
(At the entrance to the Meadow)  
  
Mido: Hey, Mr. NO FAIRY! GET OOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!  
  
John-John: *Looks at Mido* Nick?! Aw man! __ [7]  
  
Navi: Ack...leggo...you're...squeezing...me...GACKIE! *Dies from lack of air*  
  
John-John: Hm? I killed her? Oh well, that's for being annoying. *Tosses Navi into river*  
  
Mido: MR. NO FAIRY!  
  
John-John: WHAT?! *Growls*  
  
Mido: To pass, you've gotta get a sword and shield!!!  
  
John-John: Oh...right...Grins evilly* Then I'll have a little fun with my sword...*Runs off*  
  
(Inside the Hole of Z)  
  
John-John: Heh...can't wait till I get this sword...*Opens treasure chest. Out pops the Kokiri Sword...and Navi* AH! It's alive! O_O  
  
Navi: Of course I'm alive, you dummyhead! I'm immooooooortal! *Thunder rumbles*  
  
John-John: Nooo...why me?! Wait...is Ashley in the real world immortal?! O_O [8]  
  
Navi: Oh, be quiet!  
  
John-John: Do you always talk in exclamations?  
  
Navi: Yes! I do! Now, COME ON!  
  
*At the Super Kokirimart* [9]  
  
Weird Hopping Shop Owner: HHHHHEEEEELLLLOOOOO THERE! HOW MAY I HELP YOU?  
  
John-John: *Sweatdrops*  
  
*Suddenly everyone freezes and Domino pops up* That's it! For now! On the next exciting and boring episode of Game Reality, will the Weird Hopping Shop Owner murder John-John? Why would he? I don't know! Stay tuned, you mere mortals. MWAHAHAHAHAHA! *Lightning crashes*  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
[1] Cherri used to have pleather pants...For those that don't know, pleather is plastic that looks like leather or something like that...Heh, pleather. Sounds funny. *Sticks out tongue*  
  
[2] The Water Temple. My least favorite temple (It's so HARD!) but home to my favorite boss and mini-boss. Go figure.  
  
[3] Y'know that cookies back up the truck line? John-John really said it when he woke up once. ^_^ *Pokes at John-John*  
  
[4] Faith is John-John's older sister. She's REALLY nice, and acts nothing like this. Um...blame the berry sugars. She has an obsession with Elijah Wood, and I love Orlando Bloom (Frodo and Legolas from LotR) so we like debating over who's cuter. Come on, guys, vote for Legolas! ^^;;;  
  
[5] Seriously, HOW does she know in the game?! Psychic Saria?!  
  
[6] Nick is an annoying kid John-John knows, and that John-John wouldn't mind disposing of. Heh heh heh. ^_^  
  
[7] I cannot STAND Ashley. She's a girl John-John and I used to know. A snob, a flirt, a know-it-all...My worst enemy. :P  
  
[8] If Ashley is indeed immortal, I'll shoot myself.  
  
[9] Super Kokirimart = Super Walmart? DID ANYONE GET IT?! O_O 


	2. Chapter 2 The Great Deku Tree

Author's Notes:  
  
Kristin: Wazzup! My muses are gonna do the intro stuff! ^____^  
  
Kokkan: Kristin, you're in the story. Go back in.  
  
Kristin: *Whines and leaves*  
  
Icy: Anyway! Didja like the last chapter? Didjadidjadidja?! *Bounces around the room* Welpers, here's the second chapter for it. This chapter covers John-John's adventure into the Deku Tree...next chapter will have Kristin and Cherri, and the chapter after will have Danielle in it. ^_^  
  
Domino: Also, on a more serious note, we do not hate the Kokiri. We like the Kokiri.  
  
Icy: But...I dunno, we had to make everybody in here stupid! So, sorry to all you Kokiri lovers out there. ^-^ Dun worry, the Gorons will get their share too...*Cackles evilly* Okeeeee...now off to the disclaimer...Someone else do it, I'm too lazy.*Wanders off in search of some cheese*  
  
UnicornGirl: Hee, I'll do the disclaimer. Do I have to? I mean, it's obvious that only Nintendo owns Zelda...but, since they own some of our money since we bought the games, then does our money count as owning part of Nintendo? What if we bought stocks in Nintendo, maybe we own the Zelda part. And besides, does anyone really believe that we poor people, muses, actually could own Zel-  
  
Kim: UnicornGirl, just do the stupid disclaimer.  
  
UnicornGirl: ~_~ Fiiiiiiiiine. We don't own Zelda. Or Nintendo. Nuff said. *Leaves*  
  
Kokkan: Um...warnings are heavy-bashing...Um...Anything else?  
  
Domino: The chapterly review answerer thingie.  
  
Kokkan: Oh yeah! Here we'll answer your reviews. If your review wasn't answered...we didn't see it before posting. Apologies. Now! Queen of the ManEating Bunnies: Continue we shall, and I doubt you're the Ashley as well, unless you a) lived in Florida for a time, b) was a pastor's daughter, and c) moved back up to...I forget which state. Kungfool: Yes, KILL MIDO! Heh. John-John is a friend of mine, but he acts like a martian so he requested to be wearing a shirt that said that. He's weird, I tell you! Galya: Thank ye, thank ye. The really scary thing about this is all the people we know agree that we really act like that. We're...nuts...Anyway! So now what?  
  
Domino: I dunno...*Shrugs*  
  
Kokkan: ...So get on with it!  
  
Domino: Agreed. Anyway, just review the story.  
  
Weird Hopping Shop Owner (WHSO): HELLLOOOO!!! WHATCHA GONNA BUY?!  
  
John-John: *Blinks* Um...Wait...you look like Billy!  
  
WHSO: WHO IS BILLY?! [1]  
  
John-John: *Gets blown back by WHSO's breath* Ugh...get a Tick-Tack, man.  
  
WHSO: WHAT'S A TICK TACK?!  
  
John-John: *Smacks head* Never mind...Just give me a Deku Shield.  
  
WHSO: *Slaps Deku Shield on the counter* FORTY RUPEES! *Continues hopping*  
  
John-John: Don't have forty rupees. [2]  
  
WHSO: *Takes back Deku Shield* NO RUPEES, NO SHIELD. DEAL WITH IT! NYHA!  
  
John-John: *Whips out sword and holds it at WHSO's throat* Care to repeat that?  
  
WHSO: Take it! Take the whole store! HELP! *Runs out*  
  
John-John: *Rolls eyes* Wimp. *Takes all the merchandise. All but the Deku Shield disapear* Waa...? Rip-off!  
  
Navi: Try pulling out a Deku Stick!  
  
John-John: *Pulls Deku Stick out of thin air* So THAT'S how Link carries around all that junk. Cool.  
  
Navi: Hey! Look! Listen! We'd better get going!  
  
John-John: Hm? Oh yeah, right. *Walks out of the store*  
  
*Back at the entrance to the Great Deku Tree's Meadow*  
  
Mido: Wha?! You have a sword and shield? Um...what am I supposed to say now? *Looks at script* What? I'm supposed to let you through?! No way!  
  
John-John: You won't let me through?  
  
Mido: No!  
  
John-John: *Stabs Mido in the heart with the sword, sending blood spraying everywhere*  
  
Navi: Oh my gosh! You killed Mido! [3]  
  
John-John: Be quiet, bug. *Slices Navi in half*  
  
Navi: I hate you! *Falls in half and dies*  
  
John-John: Heh. *Continues through the meadow*  
  
*At the Great Deku Tree*  
  
Great Deku Tree (GDT): Ah, Linketh, thou hast returneth.  
  
John-John: Hm...who're you? Dad? Oh, this is pathetic. [4]  
  
GDT: I doeth noteth understandeth.  
  
John-John: Uh...forget it. Look, I know I need to break the curse inside of you and get the Spiritual Stone of the Forest, then go to see Zelda and then go to Death Moun-  
  
GDT: Howeth dideth youeth knoweth?  
  
John-John: *Sweatdrops* Don't ask. Just don't ask. Let me in.  
  
GDT: Ah, veryeth welleth, Linketh. *Opens his mouth s...l...o...w...l...y...*  
  
John-John: *Taps foot impatiently*  
  
*Finally the mouth opens and out flies Navi*  
  
John-John: Blast it! _  
  
Navi: Link, you dummyhead! I AM IMMORTAL! MWAHAHAHAHAH-ack...! *Coughs*  
  
John-John: *Sweatdrops*  
  
GDT: Cometh ineth, John-Johneth.  
  
John-John: Riiight...*Sweatdrops* Come on, bug.  
  
Navi: I! Am! Not! A! Bug!  
  
John-John: Whatever...bug. *Walks into the Great Deku Tree*  
  
Navi: HEY! Come baaack!  
  
*Inside the Great Deku Tree*  
  
John-John: Someone explain to me how a tree could have doors and ladders in it. *Rolls eyes*  
  
Navi: HEY LINK! Look! This wall has vines on it! Maybe you can climb it!  
  
John-John: Be quiet, bug. *Climbs up the vines*  
  
Navi: Harumph!  
  
*Skipping a whole buncha junk, John-John and Navi are now at the ledge where you jump off to go through the spider web*  
  
John-John: *Jumps off* BOOOOOOYAAAAAAA!  
  
Navi: *Falling, too stupid to use her wings* WE'RE GONNA DIIEEEE!!!  
  
Both: *Fall through the web and do a belly flop into the water*  
  
John-John: Ow...  
  
Navi: Ack! *Dies from a squashed stomach*  
  
John-John: Yes! Rid of her for a milli second...  
  
Navi: *Pops out of nowhere* Mwaha! I am back!  
  
John-John: Hey, use your fairy powers and conjure up a slightshot.  
  
Navi: But!  
  
John-John: *Annoyed* Now. *Pulls out sword*  
  
Navi: *Conjures up a slightshot*  
  
John-John: Now lift me over to the other edge of the room.  
  
Navi: But that's going against the rules!  
  
John-John: NOW.  
  
Navi: Oh, fine! *Lifts John-John up*  
  
John-John: *Rubs two Deku Sticks together and lights the web on fire*  
  
Dilandau: *Pops in* Fire! MWAHAHA!  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Wrong story, Pickle! Get back here! *Grabs Dilandau and pops out* [5]  
  
John-John: That...was freaky...  
  
Navi: Oh yeah!  
  
John-John: Oh well. *Jumps down the hole* BBBOOOOONNNNNZZZZZIIIII!  
  
Navi: HEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPP!!! *Falls down the hole, again not using her wings...*  
  
John-John: *Runs past the Deku Scrubs, into Queen Ghoma's Lair, followed by Navi*  
  
Navi: Oooh...A dark and stormy place! WATCH OUT! THAR SHE BLOWS! [6]  
  
Queen Ghoma: *Drops from the ceiling* RRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!  
  
John-John: Aw, man. Does everyone here have bad breath?!  
  
QG (Queen Ghoma): Oh me, oh my! I have bad breath? *Dumps a container of Tick Tacks in her mouth* Ahem! Hopefully that is better.  
  
John-John: Aren't you...supposed to fight me...?  
  
Navi: AGREED! AI! O.O TIS A TRAP, I TELL YE! *Falls over*  
  
QG: Well, would you like a spot of tea? *Put on a pink apron and whips out a tea set*  
  
John-John: Uh...  
  
QG: One lump or two?  
  
John-John: Aren't I supposed to kill you?  
  
QG: Oh, yes. One moment. *Puts on a ton of makeup* Does that look any better? I want to look good when I die.  
  
John-John: Uh...First a gift. Here, have a fairy snack as my thanks for the...uh...tea. *Tosses Navi into QG's mouth*  
  
QG: Why thank ye, kind lad! Ah! Oh my! HAAAACK! *Falls over and dies from Navi poisoning*  
  
John-John: Heh.  
  
QG: *Disintegrates, and out pops a heart container and Navi*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* That's all for know. Stay tuned for more, but feel free to look at something else while you wait...Of course, it you do, I'll brutally murder you, but what the heck!  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
[1] Billy was some annoying guy John-John and I's old youth class. ^_^;  
  
[2] 40 rupees for a stinkin' piece of bark.Oh well. ^^;  
  
[3] Does ANYONE get the joke?!  
  
[4] John-John's dad is...um...John-John's dad. Yeah.  
  
[5] Dilandau is my favorite character from the anime show 'Escaflowne'. John-John hates him, and I love him. The cause for many an argument. ^^; How'd I come up with Pickle? Dilandau - Dil - Dill Pickle - Pickle!  
  
[6] The line 'thar she blows' comes from M*A*S*H. Shameless plugs. ^_^ 


	3. Chapter 3 Gerudo Fortress

Author Notes:  
  
Icy: *Twirls flag* Yay, anudder chapter is up! ^_^ This time, it has Kristin an' Cherri!  
  
Kokkan: And we care why...?  
  
Icy: *Pummels Kokkan to the ground* Be quiet! _  
  
Kokkan: *Freezes Icy* Moron. *Bored* We don't own Zelda...*Walks out*  
  
~~~  
  
Kristin: Merph...Chocolate eats peanut butter all the time, rock boy.Eeheehaa.Hm? *Wakes up* Waa? Where the spoony am I? *Looks around* Dirt...dirt...I'M SURROUNDED BY DIRT! KYAA! *Screams*  
  
Evil Shadow Thingie: SQUEEEEAK!  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
EST: *Turns out to be a Business Scrub* SQUEAK! What are you doing in my tunnel?! SQUEAK!  
  
Kristin: ^o^ A DEKU SCRUB! WHEE! *Glomps Business Scrub* [1]  
  
Business Scrub: OUT OF MY SQUEAK TUNNEL! NOW! SQUEEEAK! *Kicks Kristin and sends her flying through the Deku Flower*  
  
Kristin: *In broad daylight* Oy vey...Moronic Scrub...*Starts singing 'No Scrubs' by TLC.Then looks at hands* KYAA! What is this?! I'm made of wood! *Scuttles over to water* WHAT?! I'm...sorta...a...Skull Kid?! But not...I mean, sorta Skull Kid, sorta Hylian?! ARGH! *Curls in a little ball and sniffles* [2]  
  
Unknown Voice: WHO GOES THERE?!  
  
Kristin: *Whips out Pointy Deku Stick (PDS) and holds it menacingly* Huzzah! I am Kristin, um...the half Skull Kid, half Hylian! Tremble in fear! *Waves PDS about*  
  
UV: AM I SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED?!  
  
Kristin: Ah...no. Who goes there, Unknown Voice?!  
  
UV: *Steps into the light, revealing itself to be.*  
  
Kristin: MRS. CARTER?! MY EVIL FOURTH GRADE TEACHER?! NOOO!!! ;_; [3]  
  
UV: I am not Mrs. Carter, and I am certainly not a teacher! I am Mya, Gerudo ninja! *Dramatic, cheesy music blares*  
  
Kristin: True, true. The Mrs. Carter I know would never wear pants, much less a crop top. *Raises wooden eyebrow* But wait...Gerudo ninja?! I'M IN MY GAME! HOLY MAN EATING CHICKEN BULLDOZER NAPTIME SOMBRERO! O.O  
  
Mya: What are you yabbering about?! I should kill you here, but since you are a female, I will let you live if you join the Gerudo.  
  
Kristin: *Sparkly eyes* I love the Gerudo! I'd love to join! I love chocolate!  
  
Mya: Riiight...  
  
*At Gerudo Fortress*  
  
Mya: Now we must see the great Olyshia, leader of the Gerudo. *Nods*  
  
Kristin: *Twitches madly and scuttles after Mya* Nice, let's hurry up already, Mrs. Carter!  
  
Mya: I'm not Mrs. Carter. -_-  
  
Kristin: Ah, but you are! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too! EHEEEHEEEHAAA! *Scuttles in circles and waves PDS about*  
  
Mya: She's insane! O.O  
  
Kristin: *Follows Mya into the throne room*  
  
Olyshia: I am Olyshia, leader of the Gerudo. Who goes there?  
  
Kristin: *Sarcastic* Well, we didn't think you were leader of the Zoras, y'know.  
  
Mya: It is I-  
  
Kristin: Mrs. Carter! ^_~  
  
Mya: IAMNOTMRS.CARTER! Anyway...I have brought you a half-Hylian, half- Skull Kid girl who wants to help us.  
  
Olyshia: Very well. What do you want in return?  
  
Kristin: Well, I wanna have you guys help me find my friends Cherri and John-John and Danielle. And give me a pound of chocolate. And that's all, folks! ^.^  
  
Olyshia: ...Cherri? That's what Nabooru has been calling herself since this morning. Mya, get her.  
  
Kristin: *Looks up at Olyshia* Yep, yep, it may be-WHAT?! MRS. DANIELS?! MY OLD PRINCIPAL?! KYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! @_@ [4]  
  
Olyshia: *Raises eyebrow* You are insane.  
  
Kristin: Thanks for stating the obvious. ~_~  
  
Mya: I'm back, and here is Nabooru.  
  
Cherri: I! AM! CHERRI! NOT! NABOORU! Kristin?! HI!  
  
Kristin: Cherri! ^_^ *Glomps Cherri* Where have you BEEN?!  
  
Cherri: Um...locked in my room 'cause they keep sayin' I'm Nabooru and I keep sayin' I'm Cherri...Who are these people, anyway?  
  
Kristin: *Puts on bifocals and a lab coat, and whips out a blackboard and pointer* According to my calculations, the controller flying into my video game console ruined the elephanetums elements, with disrupted the zookie mechanism and caused the mweeheehacckaton element to overload, resulting in our current predicament.  
  
All: *Blank stares*  
  
Kristin: Basically, Cherri, you and I are stuck in my game, without knowing where John-John and Danielle are, and I have no clue how we got here.  
  
Mya: They're insane. O_o  
  
Olyshia: Mya, take them on a raiding party...Only go to Kokiri Forest, so they won't have any trouble, but it may clear their brains up.  
  
Mya: You got it. Come on, kids, you heard her. Up and at 'em.  
  
Kristin: YAY! We'll be riding across Hyrule Field, the wind in our hair-  
  
Mya: We're walking.  
  
Kristin: -Oh. *Pouts*  
  
Cherri: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-  
  
Olyshia: Are you finished yet?!  
  
Cherri: -an.  
  
Mya: Now, let's go.  
  
Icy: *Pops in* MWAHAHA! That is all! The next chapter will have them meetin' John-John...and don't worry, Danielle is coming up shortly. EEEHEEEHAAA! ^_~  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
[1] *Singing* Oh, how I love glooommmping.^_^ Much to my friends' dismay. (Mainly Samuel and John-John. They're abused. But they're so CUTE when they get annoyed! *Pokes*)  
  
[2] I wanted to be a Skull Kid, but I wanted to be a Hylian. Thus, a halfing was born. How that happened, I don't want to know. O_o;;;  
  
[3] Oh, how evil she was.  
  
[4] The Wicked Witch herself. 


	4. Chapter 4 Hyrule Field

Author Notes:  
  
Icy: HI! HERE'S ANOTHER FANFIC! WHOOWHEEE!  
  
Kokkan: *Sticks in earplugs* She's on a sugar high, folks. Bear with us.  
  
Dilandau: I'll take care of it! *Picks up Domino and begins to cart her off*  
  
Icy: WHEE! I'm getting carried by my favorite bishonen! *Cries tears of joy*  
  
Dilandau: ...Eh? *Sweatdrops*  
  
Domino: *Walks in* Riiight. Stupid muses' helpers. Anyway, we don't own Zelda. *Walks away*  
  
Kokkan: Aaaand, for the Reader Review Rant. Heh! Nyam Nyam: Teachers are evil. Most, anyway. I had a few good ones...Err...few being key word, heh heh! ^_^ Sagitar Darkclaw: I had the same problem. I was laughing so hard and so long I felt I was going to puke.  
  
Icy: *Sticks head in* It wasn't a pretty picture, let me tell you! Got ALL over the white carpet! I had to use all the bleaches in the world to get the stain out. And the SMELL! It was-  
  
Kokkan: *Smacks Icy* SHADDUP! Ahem. Go on, read an' review. *Walks off*  
  
*~*~*  
  
John-John: *Walks out of woods tossing Stone up and down* Pretty nice of him just to give me this Spiritual Stone. And pretty nice that I found my backpack just outside my treehouse...I hated Link's clothes anyway.  
  
Navi: Well, you did fix the curse on the Deku Tree, and as for your clothes, you're a moron!  
  
John-John: You know what, I've had enough of you. *Pulls out Deku Stick and bats Navi into next week* Finally she's gone. *Sighs*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Kristin: IF I WALK ONE MORE MILE I'LL SCREAM!  
  
Cherri: Kristin, you _are_ screaming.  
  
Kristin: That's besides the point. -_-;  
  
Mya: SHUT UP! There's a weird looking guy ahead, we should rob him!  
  
MWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Cherri: *Raises eyebrow* How weird are we talking when we say weird?  
  
Mya: Weirder than Kristin.  
  
Kristin: EEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Cherri: *Sweatdrops* That has to be bad...Sounds like John-John.  
  
Mya: WHO?! YOU KNOW A MAN?!  
  
Cherri: Man? Uh...What man? I don't know any men!  
  
Kristin: Excluding Ganondork...I mean dorf. *Snickers*  
  
*A white ball of light streaks toward Kristin*  
  
Kristin: LOOK! It's a bird, it's a plane, it's-*Gets smacked on the head*  
  
-A jerk.  
  
Mya: AH! THE MAN IS ATTACKING! What a CLEVER assault! *Nod nod*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
John-John: *Listening to his walk-man, completely oblivious* I LOVE this song! ^_^ *Looks up* Whoa, three weird lookin' women! O_o  
  
And yet again, meanwhile...  
  
Kristin: *Cups fairy in her hands* YOU POOR THING! Are you alright?  
  
Navi: I would be if Link would stop killing me!  
  
Kristin: Aw...poor thing...Wait...Does Link, per chance, call himself  
  
John-John?  
  
Navi: YES! He's a moron! He calls me Ashley!  
  
Kristin: ASHLEY! *Drops Navi*  
  
Navi: OW!  
  
Kristin: *Gets idea*  
  
Cherri: I'm not saying anything...Why not? [1]  
  
Mya: Be quiet! _ He's coming!  
  
Kristin: Come closer, my dear little Navi.  
  
Navi: *Flies closer*  
  
Kristin: *Uses PDS and bats Navi to the weird looking stranger*  
  
John-John: *Bats it back*  
  
*A game of baseball ensues*  
  
Mya: STRIIIIIIIIKE!  
  
Cherri: *Waves pom poms* GO KRISTIN! GO KRISTIN! IT'S YER BIRTHDAY! NOT REALLY! [2]  
  
Kristin: Okay...*Bats Navi into the Lost Woods*  
  
*In the Lost Woods*  
  
Skull Kid1: Ooo, what is this strange thing? *Picks up Navi*  
  
Skull Kid2: A fairy, you dolt! Mweheehee!  
  
Skull Kid1: Hey! *Whisper whisper*  
  
Skull Kid2: *Grins evilly and takes Navi* Ready?  
  
Skull Kid1: *Aims dart gun* PULL!  
  
Skull Kid2: *Throws Navi*  
  
Navi: AH! @_@  
  
*The target practice goes on for hours. It just keeps going, and going, and  
  
going...*  
  
*Tape stops rolling*  
  
John-John: *Pops in holding marker* Hey, guys! Y'know, since I'm supposed  
  
to be Link, I'm the main character, right? Well, this story is about me,  
  
not a fairy and stupid Skull Kids.  
  
*In background* Kristin: HEY! I'M HALF SKULL KID, MORON!  
  
John-John: My point exactly. *Gets shot in the back of the head by some  
  
darts* Anyway, this story is about ME. Not Navi. *Draws X over Navi* Okay? Good.  
  
Sorry to slow you down. *Looks at Navi and scribbles* Uh...eh-heh. Bye.  
  
*Runs off*  
  
*Tape starts rolling again* [3]  
  
Mya: DIE WEIRDO...guy thingie! *Attacks John-John*  
  
Kristin & Cherri: WE SHOULD HELP! *Dramatic music plays* *Both throw  
  
rocks at Mya*  
  
Mya: *Gets brained by a rock, falls on John-John's sword...We leave the  
  
after effects of this to your imagination*  
  
The Final, Largest Rock: *Smacks John-John on the head, he falls unconsious*  
  
Cherri: Now we've done it.  
  
Kristin: We're doomed when he gets up. O_O;  
  
*An hour later*  
  
John-John: *Groans* I feel like I've gotten run over by a semi...  
  
*Semi runs over him*  
  
John-John: Okay, now I REALLY feel like I've been run over by a  
  
semi...Wait...They don't HAVE semis in Hyrule. What gives?  
  
Domino: *Pops in* SHUT UP! I'm allowed to have plot holes! *Pops out*  
  
John-John: Wacko. *Looks around* WHO ARE YOU WEIRDOS?!  
  
Kristin: WEIRDOS!? Well...I guess I do look kinda weird. See, it's me,  
  
Kristin! ^_^  
  
Cherri: And me, Cherri. ^_~  
  
John-John: See? You guys are weirdos.  
  
Kristin: *Sniffles and curls into a ball*  
  
John-John: Cherri, you like soccer, don'tcha?  
  
Cherri: Don't even think about it.  
  
John-John: *Kicks Kristin* Too late. [4]  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *Goes flying through a roof miles away, lands on chemistry set*  
  
Cherri: Wow. You're better than I thought.  
  
John-John: It must be the game. Anything can happen in virtual reality.  
  
Cherri: True, true. Now let's go find Kristin...  
  
John-John: So I can kick her into HYRULE CASTLE! HAHAHA!  
  
Cherri: *Sweatdrops* Nooo, so you can apologize.  
  
John-John: I don't apologize.  
  
Navi: *Flies up* I HATE SKULL KIDS! I HATE YOU! I HATE THE WORLD!  
  
#^(*@#%$@%$#^$%&$#$*$%*&#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Cherri: Whoa, she's chipper.  
  
John-John: That's nothing compared to my vocabulary. See? Navi is a *&^%  
  
and a *&%$#^ weirdo and she's &^$&^*^.  
  
*The above has been censored to keep this rated PG*  
  
*Back to ME! ^_^*  
  
Kristin: Oooooohhhh...Where am I? I'm gonna feel this in the  
  
morning...*Rubs back*  
  
Strange Psyco Voice (SPV): WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY RESEARCH?!  
  
Kristin: AAAAH! A Strange Psycho Voice! *Trembles in terror and whips out  
  
PDS*  
  
SPV: Ooh, you found my Deku Stick! *Snatches it*  
  
Kristin: Waa? *Whips out dart gun*  
  
SPV: And my dart gun! You are so nice! *Snatches dart gun*  
  
Kristin: *Jumps out of rubble*  
  
SPV: You found my firewood! How kind! *Snatches Kristin*  
  
Kristin: PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!  
  
SPV: Waa? A SKULL KID! THIEF! #^&*$!!!  
  
*Guards run up from out of nowhere*  
  
Guard1: We'll take this from you, sir.  
  
SPV: How did you find her?  
  
Guard1: Warp holes. Very convenient.  
  
SPV: I am in debt. Is there anything I can do?  
  
Guard2: Do you have a donut? *Looks up hopefully*  
  
SPV: BAD COP! NO DONUT! @%^E%#$%!!!  
  
Guard3: *Pulls out sword* Excuse me?  
  
SPV: Cream or jelly?  
  
Guard2: Donuts! Danku! Danku! ^_^ *Cries tears of joy*  
  
Guard1: *Drags Kristin across Hyrule Field*  
  
John-John & Cherri: *See Kristin being dragged past them*  
  
John-John: *Waves*  
  
Cherri: WHAT?! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! WE ARE THE X-MEN! *Cheesy music blares*  
  
John-John: NO! I AM ON THE X-FORCE! *Cherri glares at him* Oh alright...*Walks over* Here, I'll help. *Kicks Kristin into Hyrule Castle*  
  
Cherri: O_O I MEANT HELP KRISTIN, YOU MORON BIRD BRAIN!  
  
John-John: I did help her. She didn't have to get dragged in the field.  
  
Cherri: -_-; Aaaaahhh...you're impossible.  
  
Domino: *Pops in* You know the drill. Read, review, or else I'll test out my theory of how quickly gasoline burns up on you.  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
[1] Poor, poor, Cherri. I have too many characters already, and I'll be adding more...The pain, the pain...  
  
[2] Cherri really is a cheerleader. Not me. I'd kill myself.  
  
[3] Yes, I got that from Emperor's New Groove. So shoot me. *Sticks out tongue*  
  
[4] Both John-John and Cherri adore soccer. I'm partial to hockey myself. Now you can see how cruel John-John is. 


	5. Chapter 5 Hyrule Castle

Author's Notes:  
  
Kokkan: Hello! I have one of my fellow muses here. Say hi.  
  
UnicornGirl: Hello! ^_^  
  
Kokkan: You've met her before, but I haven't introduced her. She's hosting this chapter.  
  
UnicornGirl: *Pokes Kokkan with horn* I'm going to do the disclaimer now. We don't own Zelda...but we do own the insanity! *Grins*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Read and review! Now! Marcho! Many thanks go to fellow muses Icy and UnicornGirl for their slight help in this fic. *Bows* And now for the Reader Review Rant! Nyam Nyam: That's a verrrry good idea...Since I've already got up to Chapter 11 complete, it won't happen for awhile but for the part I'm still writing...hmmmmm...*Cackle*  
  
  
  
*Back to me...again...*  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAHHHH!!! *Crash lands next to Zelda* Oy vey...Huh? CHARITY?! O_O  
  
Zelda: No, I am princess Zelda of Hyrule, who is completely brainless and does absolutely no good, and ends up dressing as a man, only to be captured by Ganon.  
  
Kristin: Eh...? O_O *Blinks*  
  
Guards: AHAHA! WE WILL PROTECT YOU, ZELDA! *Swarm Kristin*  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
*John-John and Cherri enter the courtyard using a jetpack*  
  
Guards: WHAT IS THIS FIRE SPEWING DEMON?! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!  
  
*All but Zelda, one guard, and me leave*  
  
Kristin: Hey, where'd you guys GET a jetpack?!  
  
John-John: You will be surprised what will fit in a backpack...  
  
Kristin: I won't even ask.  
  
John-John: Good.  
  
Cherri: NOW! Let's get Kristin, get out, and you HAVE to apologize!  
  
John-John: *Picks up Kristin* I'll get her out! *Punches Kristin over wall*  
  
Kristin: I HATE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! *Ding*  
  
John-John: Gotta keep up my reputation...*Smirks*  
  
Cherri: *Smacks forehead*  
  
Zelda: OH MY! An evil demon fellow! Wait, do you have a GREEN AND SHINING STONE?!  
  
John-John: No.  
  
Zelda: Huh? But you're supposed to...*Faints from confusion* @_@  
  
Guard: AH! YOU HARMED PRINCESS ZELDA! I will KILL YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!  
  
John-John: Come again? *Whips out bomb and tosses it up and down*  
  
Guard: Mommy!  
  
*Outside Hyrule Castle, a gigantic mushroom cloud appears*  
  
*BACK TO ME! NYAA! ^_^*  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAHHH!!! *Lands on the ground and looks up* Huh? DANIELLE?!  
  
Danielle: Ah...a firewood pile! Who's is it???  
  
Kristin: IT'S ME!  
  
Danielle: IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIIIIIIVE! *Runs off into the sunset, screaming*  
  
Kristin: Okaaaay...Huh? WHAAA! *Gets squashed by John-John and Cherri landing on her*  
  
John-John: Oooh, the engine blew out...How saaaad...*Smirks*  
  
Cherri: MORE LIKE YOU TURNED IT OFF! _  
  
John-John: Who, ME? *Smiles innocently, and angel wings and a halo appear* [1]  
  
Kristin: *Smacks forehead*  
  
John-John: *Lays unconcious Zelda down* We managed to get her out before  
  
the bomb blew up some brown haired guard...  
  
Kristin: Did this guard happen to look Italian?  
  
John-John: Yeah...  
  
Kristin: THAT WAS SAMUEL, YOU DOPE, MORONIC, $*&#%*&$*&#^%$*&#$%*!!! [2]  
  
John-John: Oh, I'm so wounded. *Rolls eyes*  
  
Kristin: ARGH! _ Hey, I wonder why they even are in the game, considerin' they weren't at the explosion.  
  
John-John: Neither was Faith, but she was Saria.  
  
Cherri: Weird.  
  
Charity: *Wakes up* Who...? Huh? Kristin! HI! [3]  
  
Kristin: Hi! You remember who you are?  
  
Charity: Uh, yeaaaah...Wait, WHY AM I IN THIS STUPID LOOKING GIRLY PINK  
  
DRESS?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!  
  
John-John: *Hands Charity some normal clothes* Luckily, I carry everything  
  
in this backpack...^_^  
  
Charity: *Blinks, runs behind a stone and comes back out dressed in jeans  
  
and a t-shirt* Ah, much better. ^_^  
  
John-John: *Takes dress, shoves it in backpack* Better keep that for later!  
  
^_^  
  
All: *Blink and sweatdrop*  
  
John-John: WHAT?!  
  
Kristin: Oh, nothing! ^_^  
  
Charity: Who are these two weirdos?  
  
Kristin: You remember John-John, and this is Cherri.  
  
Charity: Oh, hi.  
  
*A flaming guard stumbles up the hill*  
  
John-John: Here, take a fairy.  
  
Fairy: I will heal you of your wounds! Shall I?! CAN I?! PLEAAAASE?!  
  
Guard: Heck, y'think I CARE?!  
  
Fairy: FINE! *Flies away*  
  
Guard: WAIT! *Falls over*  
  
John-John: *Grabs fairy back* Listen, fairy...  
  
Fairy: Lalala...there your wounds are healed! ^_^ *Begins to disapear*  
  
Huh? WHA?! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYY!!! *Disapears*  
  
Samuel: Spooky...*Blinks*  
  
Kristin: SAMUEL! YOU'RE ALRIGHT! *Cries tears of joy and glomps Samuel*  
  
Samuel: Ack...get off...too heavy...*Dies from suffocation* [4]  
  
John-John: *Smacks forehead* Look, I'm runnin' out of fairies...  
  
*Fifteen fairies later*  
  
Samuel: OKAY! Kristin, no more glomping, Charity, no attempting to kill me 'cause I'm back, Cherri, no more braining me with rocks for no apparent reason, and well...you didn't do anything, John-John.  
  
John-John: *Whips out Soviet AK 47*  
  
Samuel: AH!  
  
John-John: Just kidding...for now...*Smirks evilly*  
  
Cherri: What now?  
  
Kristin: We must head to...DEATH! MOUNTAIN! *Thunder rumbles*  
  
Samuel: *After being struck by lightning* Oh, this is not funny... [5]  
  
Charity: Wait...DEATH Mountain?  
  
Kristin: Yes, Death as in die, Mountain as in climbing.  
  
Charity: DEATH Mountain?  
  
Krisitn: Don't look at it as death...Think of your life moving in a different direction, you're going somewhere and your body isn't coming along...Your-  
  
Charity: DEATH MOUNTAIN?! *Faints*  
  
John-John: *Sits on a rock and checks E-mail* DANGIT! Just junk...  
  
Kristin: YOU LUGGED YOUR LAPTOP WITH YOU?!  
  
John-John: But of course. ^_^  
  
Samuel: Oy vey...  
  
Cherri: *Attempts to wake Charity up*  
  
Charity: Zzzzzzz...  
  
Samuel: *Splashes cold water*  
  
Charity: Zzzzzzzz....  
  
Samuel: ARGH!  
  
Kristin: *Filing nails*  
  
*An hour later*  
  
Kristin: *Looks at perfectly manicured nails*  
  
Samuel: SHE'S STILL NOT AWAKE!  
  
John-John: *Continues checking E-mail* Just check up with Domino. She'll do it.  
  
Samuel: .Domino?  
  
Kristin: One of my muses.  
  
Samuel: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS SOONER?!  
  
John-John: Because it was fun watching your pathetic attempts...?  
  
Kristin: Ditto.  
  
Cherri: *Smacks head*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Yah? You wanted somethin'?  
  
Samuel: WAKE CHARITY UP!  
  
Domino: I don't have the powers to wake her up.  
  
Samuel: *Smacks forehead* You're no good!  
  
Domino: SHUT UP! My fellow muse Icy'll help. Just a sec. *Blows whistle*  
  
*In a flash of brilliant, awe-inspiring, obviously fake and cheesy special effects, Icy pops in*  
  
Icy: HIHIHIHIHI! Ooooohhhh!!! Domino! You're letting me HELP! You're SO NICE! *Farts*  
  
Domino: Heavens, WHAT did I do to deserve this?!  
  
Icy: *Munches on cheese* So whaddya need? *Belches*  
  
Domino: STOP WITH THE BAD MANNERS! I need help waking Charity up.  
  
Samuel: WAKE HER UP NOW!  
  
Icy: What's the magic woooorrrddd?  
  
Samuel: NOW!  
  
Icy: RUDE! *Encases Samuel in ice*  
  
Samuel: HEY! *Vainly picks at ice with a toothpick*  
  
Domino: *Smacks forehead*  
  
John-John: This is taking forever...*Shoots fire arrow and melts the ice encasing Samuel*  
  
Kristin: Wait, you're not s'posed to have fire arrows.Or arrows period!  
  
John-John: Shut up. Domino, come on already!  
  
Domino: FINE! *Dramatic, cheesy music plays and thunder rumbles* Ahaha! Um.*Blows whistle*  
  
*More special effects occur, and out pops UnicornGirl*  
  
Cherri: WHAT IS THIS?! We're not holding a party here!  
  
UnicornGirl: ^_^ Don't worry! She'll be awake in a jiffy. *Horn glows and shoots HUGE bolt of lightning at Charity*  
  
Charity: Zzzzzzzz...  
  
John-John: *Closes laptop, sighs, and shakes Charity*  
  
Charity: Huh? Oh, hi! What'd I miss?  
  
All: *Death glare at John-John*  
  
John-John: Can we just get going already?!  
  
Domino: Hmph! *Pops out, taking Icy and UnicornGirl with them*  
  
Samuel: Well, at least those freaks of nature are gone...*Rolls eyes*  
  
Icy: *Pops in* HA! Domino thinks if she gives me a small part, I'll be gone forever! She's WRONG! MWAHAHAHAHA! Well, the chapter is OVER! Eat cheese, peeps! *Runs off*  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
[1] More like demon John-John. *Rolls eyes*  
  
[2] Samuel is another friend of mine. He's always trying to act 'mature'. He thinks I act stupidly. TELL HIM OFF!  
  
[3] Charity is Samuel's younger sister. The blunt one. ^_^ She's such a cool friend. ^_^  
  
[4] Told you I love glomping. *Sniffs*  
  
[5] Poor Samuel, he's abused. But we all love him. *Gives Samuel a noogie* 


	6. Chapter 6 Death Mountain

Author's Notes:  
  
Domino: I'm going insane.  
  
Icy: All of us muses are helping out! All but two, anyway, but their old grumps. ^_^  
  
Kokkan: I don't blame them.  
  
Kim: Shush! All of you! None of us own Zelda, as you already know. And if you didn't know, that meant you haven't been reading the Author's Notes. And if you haven't been reading the Author's Notes, I'LL KILL YOU!  
  
UnicornGirl: Now, now, Kim, no readers means no reviews. On a further note, we'd like to apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out. A mixture of not being allowed electricity and going out with friends to Diiiiisney World has prevented the uploading. But we're baaa~aaack!  
  
Kim: HeeeheeheHE! Now to the RRR. Evil Neptune: Yes, bashing is fun. ^_^ Fun, I say! WAHAHAHAHAHA! *Falls over*  
  
Domino: ...Righto. Well, review. *Walks off*  
  
  
  
Three hours later...  
  
John-John: YOU MORON! WHERE! IS! THE! SPIRITUAL! STONE!  
  
Goron: That delicious looking red stone? I saw it out here, and I thought I'd take one bite! But-  
  
John-John: YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT FOR THE PAST HOUR! SHUT UP!  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Samuel: Amazing, a lifeform more stupid and dense than Kristin. Miracle! [1]  
  
Kristin: YOU LITTLE! LITTLE...Little...little...um...*Taps John-John's shoulder* What's a good insult?  
  
John-John: SHUT UP! [2]  
  
Kristin: Okay...*Turns to Samuel* YOU LITTLE SHUT UP!  
  
Samuel: *Smacks head*  
  
Kristin: *Taps John-John's shoulder* What's a better one?  
  
John-John: REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO YOU IN HYRULE FIELD? TWICE? NOW  
  
SHUUUUUTT UPPPPPP!!!  
  
Kristin: *Turns to Samuel* YOU LITTLE REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO YOU IN HYRULE  
  
FIELD TWICE NOW SHUUUUUTT UPPPPPP!!! [3]  
  
Samuel, Charity, and Cherri: *Attempt to restrain John-John*  
  
Kristin: Can't you think of a better insult?  
  
John-John: #^&#$*#*&#^$*&#^$*#^$*#^$*&^$*&#^$!!!  
  
Kristin: *Appalled* I can't curse at a pastor's son!  
  
All: *Smacks head*  
  
John-John: *Turns around* WHERE IS THE SPIRITUAL STONE NOW?!  
  
Goron: *Timidly points to stomach*  
  
John-John: YOU MEAN WHEN WE'RE SEARCHING FOR THIS STUPID STONE TO SAVE  
  
STUPID HYRULE SO WE CAN GET BACK TO OUR STUPID LIVES ON STUPID EARTH, YOU  
  
ATE IT?! *Whips out sword* Prepare for open heart surgery, bucko!  
  
A DARK, MYSTERIOUS VOICE!: STOP!  
  
All: AH! A DARK AND MYSTERIOUS VOICE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!  
  
Danielle: *Walks around the corner*  
  
All: Oh.  
  
John-John: *Glares* WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!  
  
Danielle: SAME TO YOU! After I was chased by a walking pile of rotten  
  
firewood, I thought something was strange, and I knew you must've been  
  
behind it! [4]  
  
Kristin: THAT PILE OF ROTTEN FIREWOOD WAS ME! _  
  
Samuel: Well, the rotten part is right...  
  
Kristin: Oh, just shut up!  
  
Samuel: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF SHUT UP! *Sulks*  
  
Danielle: *Produces two Spiritual Stones*  
  
Kristin: It's the Spiritual Stone of Fire, and the Spiritual Stone of  
  
Water! Everybody say 'AAAAAAH'.  
  
All: *Glare*  
  
Kristin: ...Or not.  
  
John-John: Well, at least I don't hafta get engaged to fish lady now...Hey,  
  
where'd you get those stones?  
  
Danielle: Well...*Shuffles feet* I...cheated?  
  
All: *Smacks head*  
  
John-John: Wait...what happens to you guys when I grow up?  
  
Charity: *Starts disapearing* Hey, guys? GUYS?!  
  
John-John: *Starts disapearing* HEY! NO FAIR! *Grabs backpack and  
  
vanishes*  
  
Kristin: Where'd they go...?  
  
Cherri: I KNEW THERE WAS LIFE ON MARS!  
  
Samuel: Where did THAT come from?  
  
Cherri: They were abducted! *Nod nod*  
  
Kristin: ...For the cutscene! Guys, we've gotta get to Hyrule Castle, NOW!  
  
Danielle: OR ELSE WE'LL BE LEFT BEHIND!  
  
Cherri: Whoa, I thought this was Zelda, not the Left Behind series...  
  
Background Music: I wish we'd all been reeeaaaady... [5]  
  
Kristin: *Blinks* FORGET THE MUSIC! WE NEED TO GET GOING, NOW!  
  
*At Hyrule Castle*  
  
John-John: Whoa...shway...  
  
*A white horse practically tramples John-John*  
  
Charity: John-John?! Is that you?! What's happening?! Why am I with this  
  
wacky lady?!  
  
Impa: IT HAS TO HAPPEN! THROW THE OCARINA!  
  
Charity: Uh...okay...*Throws it*  
  
*Dramatic music plays as the Ocarina gracefully sails through the air,  
  
falling right in front of Ganon's running horse, which promptly tramples it*  
  
John-John: *Smacks head* You've got terrible aim...  
  
Ganon: WHICH WAY DID THEY GO, RUNT?  
  
John-John: Uh...BEHIND YOU!  
  
Ganon: Why, thank you! *Hands John-John a lollipop, turns around, and rides  
  
right into the moat* AH!  
  
John-John: *Feeds lollipop to nearby grazing cow* Now what should I do  
  
about the Ocarina...?  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Here! *Hands another Ocarina of Time to John-John*  
  
Got it at Wal Mart...They have the best deals!  
  
John-John: Hey, can I have another shield? *Shows broken Deku Shield*  
  
Domino: Weeeeellll...  
  
John-John: I like the Mirror Shield...  
  
Domino: Okaaaa...NO! *Pops out*  
  
John-John: BEEP! *Stomps off to the Temple of Time*  
  
*At the Temple of Time*  
  
John-John: *Walks in*  
  
Navi: Hey, look, listen! HI LINK! ^_^  
  
John-John: AH!  
  
Domino: *Pops in, grabs Navi* Sorry...just wanna try out my new torture  
  
chamber...AHAHAHA!  
  
John-John: How 'bout that shield? If you don't gimme, I won't be in the  
  
story anymore!  
  
Domino: FINE! *Throws Mirror Shield* Come, little Navi! *Pops out*  
  
John-John: Sweet! *Picks up shield* Now I'll FINALLY stop being a ten year old...*Quickly plays Song of Time, walks into Chamber of the Master Sword*  
  
John-John: *Pulls it out as rest of company runs in*  
  
Kristin: WAIT!  
  
*John-John disapears in a flash of blue light*  
  
Kristin: NOOOOOOO!!! _ *Cries*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* SHUT UP! I CAN HEAR YOUR WHINING FROM MY HOUSE! _  
  
Kristin: HEY! I WANNA BE AN ADULT!  
  
All: US TOO!  
  
Menacing Voice Which Is John-John's: Don't keep them here! ^_^  
  
Domino: MWAHAAHAH! I will keep them HERE to spite you! ^_^  
  
Menacing Voice: Nooooooo!!! *Snickers under breath*  
  
Kristin: I'm part of the author, and I say send us FORWARD!  
  
Domino: Well...  
  
Samuel: Lemme handle it...*Makes puppy eyes*  
  
Domino: Oh, FINE!  
  
All: *Disapear in a flash of blue light*  
  
Menacing Voice: Dangit!  
  
  
  
Author's Notes  
  
[1] My friends abuse me. ^^;  
  
[2] I've actually never seen John-John mad. According to Danielle, I don't want to. Heh.  
  
[3] As you can see, I don't have much common sense. But I am a straight A student, so I guess all the intelligence went directly to academics and left my common sense out in the cold. ^^;  
  
[4] Danielle is John John's little sister. A coolie person, she is. Remember Vaseline Intensive Cream with Aloe Lotion or whatever the bottle says! It's Jean Grey's remains! (That speel was said by me during a sleep over at her house when I was really hyper and had had too much Baby Bottle Pops. ^_^;;;)  
  
[5] I love the Left Behind series! ^_^ I thought this scene was funny. Not in the movie, I mean in this chapter. With the background music and all.Oooh, what am I going on about.@_@ 


	7. Chapter 7 Adults We Are

Author's Notes:  
  
Icy: Howdy howdy howdy! Another chapter is UP! Up, I says! *Munches on cheese*  
  
Kim: That's...nice...Well, Icy and I tied up the other muses and threw them in the basement. So WE get to host this chapter!  
  
Icy: Howdy howdy howdy...*Belches* LISTEN UP! Nobody reviewed last chapter! *Demon glare* No reviews for us muses to feed on make a rather noticeable lack of updates...  
  
Kim: And Icy's obsessed with saying howdy howdy howdy. Anyway, onto the chapter!  
  
Icy: Howdy howdy howdy, we don't own Zelda.  
  
*John appears at age 17*  
  
John: WOW, I look awesome!!!!! ^_^ Now let's see...I have to go get my horsee. *Walks out of temple*  
  
*A few moments later, Kristin, Samuel, Charity, Danielle, and Cherri appear*  
  
Kristin: WOW, I look awesome!!!!! ^_^  
  
Samuel: Kristin, you look like a walking stick.  
  
Kristin: *Looks in pocket mirror* Well...I look like a seventeen-year old walking stick. Gimme THAT much credit!  
  
Samuel: No.  
  
Danielle: What do I look like?! *Runs over and grabs mirror* Nifty! I'm six feet tall!  
  
All: *Look down at Danielle* Really...?  
  
Danielle: BE QUIET!  
  
Charity: I look the same...only taller...how rude...  
  
Samuel: Charity? How'd you get here?  
  
Charity: Compliments of Kokkan. ^_~  
  
Cherri: This is nice and all...But...where's John?  
  
Kristin: *Looks around* Where?! He's GONE! *Sits on floor and begins wailing*  
  
Samuel: Well...gotta keep up John's reputation...*Kicks Kristin through wall*  
  
Charity: Gotta keep up Cherri's reputation...*Bashes Samuel*  
  
Cherri: I'm perfectly capable of keeping up my reputation...*Bashes Samuel and Charity*  
  
Samuel: KNOCK IT OFF! John's gone, so no fairies!  
  
Danielle: Guys, shouldn't we get going?  
  
Kristin: *Walks back through wall* That would be too easy.  
  
Danielle: Let's just get going...  
  
All: *Walk out into courtyard*  
  
One Hundered ReDeads: AAAAOOOOOWWWWW!!!  
  
Danielle: *Looks around at one hundered dead ReDeads (Compliments of John) and one hundered live ReDeads* Oh help. [1]  
  
Samuel: Well, John gave this to me...*Pulls out Din's Fire and uses it*  
  
*Dramatic music plays and the ReDeads burn away*  
  
Charity: *Black and burnt to a crisp* Samuel...you roasted us, too...  
  
Danielle: *Coughs*  
  
Samuel: Oops...  
  
Cherri: Let's just get going...But, where should we head?  
  
Kristin: *Singing to the tune of 'Follow the Yellow Brick Road'* Follow the  
  
dead bodies, follow the dead bodies, follow, follow, fol-  
  
*Arrow whizzes out of nowhere, missing Kristin by one millimeter and  
  
effectively silencing her*  
  
Samuel: Well, John's not too far away...  
  
Charity: That singing sounded worse than a cat dying while nails slide on a  
  
chalkboard.  
  
Danielle: I'm scarred for life.  
  
Kristin: HEY!  
  
John: *Comes up riding on Epona* Wazzup?  
  
Kristin: You beat Ingo?  
  
John: Of course! I killed him! ^_^  
  
Cherri: MURDERER!  
  
Kristin: Cherri, the guy wears pink overalls.  
  
Cherri: Oh, in THAT case, kudos to you! ^_^  
  
Danielle: John, WHY are you wearing Link's clothes?  
  
John: Eh, they're okay. Much better'n the skirt little Link wore.  
  
Samuel: ...But now you've got tights...  
  
John: *Pulls out Master Sword menacingly*  
  
Samuel: Then again, never mind.  
  
Charity: Hey, do you hear something?  
  
Kristin: I hear London, I hear France, I hear-  
  
Cherri: Don't even go there.  
  
Kristin: Hmph.  
  
Danielle: I hear something too. Horses...?  
  
John: Oh yes, there's approximately 100 Gerudos are coming after us at the moment, all on horseback. In the front line, five Gerudos are ahead of the others. Three of which have red hair in ponytails, the other two have their hair down. In the very front are two Gerudos who appear to be a blonde woman, and an older woman.  
  
All: *Blink*  
  
Samuel: And HOW do you know that?  
  
John: I have elven eyes. ^_^  
  
Samuel: Oh. Right. But we do too...  
  
John: Shut up.  
  
Cherri: And HOW, may I ask, are we going to beat them? Not that they'd kill me, anyway, considering they think I'm Nabooru, but...  
  
John: I have a secret weapon...Ahaha...*Leaps off Epona, runs off*  
  
Rest: HEY! *Follow John*  
  
All: *Approach a black pick-up truck*  
  
Kristin: You have a PICKUP TRUCK?! *Facefaults*  
  
John: Yes, this is our key to freedom! *Reaches into toolbox, pulls out shotgun and pistol* Okay, now where is...*Reaches into toolbox* BEEP! *Pulls out six shotgun bullets and nine pistol bullets* My, what a rather unpleasant experience this has become. Rather a pity that I did not forsee this difficult situation and place extra ammunition for our self defense weapons in this vehicle.  
  
(Note: John did not say the last two sentences, but we did have to do some censoring...Carry on!)  
  
Charity: Whoa, what a vocabulary you've got. O_o  
  
John: *Glares* We have take this fight very seriously. 'Cause if Charity or Cherri dies, we'll be in trouble 'cause they're essential characters. We'd get a Game Over.  
  
Danielle: *Nearly passes out* We're gonna die.  
  
John: Cherri, you're driving. Charity, you're passenger.  
  
Danielle: We're REALLY gonna die.  
  
Charity: *Faints*  
  
John: *Bashes Charity on the head* WAKE UP!  
  
Charity: I'm up! I'm up!  
  
John: *Hands pistol to Charity, gives Cherri Master Sword and Mirror Shield, gives Danielle bow and arrows, loads shotgun, and looks at Samuel and Kristin* You've already got weapons, so forget you. Okay, let's kick some Gerudo butt. ^_^  
  
Cherri: *Hops in truck, followed by Charity, turns on the truck*  
  
*Country music blares out at maximum volume*  
  
John: Okay, everyone else in the truck bed.  
  
Kristin: Country...music...evil...demonic...*Shoots radio with dart gun*  
  
*Radio still blares*  
  
John: *Levels shotgun at Kristin*  
  
Kristin: Meepers! *Dives into truck bed*  
  
*Everyone else dives into truck bed as Gerudos come into view*  
  
John: *Fires shotgun, dropping six Gerudos* Cherri, start driving already!  
  
Cherri: You have a stick shift?!  
  
John: Live with it! Now drive! And don't mess up the transmission!  
  
Cherri: Okaaaay...*Truck starts moving at 1 mph*  
  
John: Put the petal to the metal already!  
  
Cherri: Okay, if you say so...*Slams gas pedal*  
  
*Car jerks forward, sending everyone flying through the air and slamming up against the tailgate*  
  
*Repeated shots come out of truck bed, more Gerudos fall over*  
  
Gerudos: *Make big circle around speeding truck*  
  
Charity: *Praying* We're gonna die, we're gonna die, CHERRI, YOU'RE GONNA KILL US! *Rolls down window and fires gun*  
  
*More Gerudos die...this is getting old...*  
  
Kristin: *Fires dart gun* AHAHAHA! You stooooopid Gerudos are no match for CHEESE!  
  
*Beat*  
  
John: Kristin, you're not even using cheese.  
  
Kristin: Shut up! CHEESE IS UNBEATABLE!  
  
Random Gerudo: *Slices at Kristin*  
  
Kristin: IYEEE!!! JOHN, HELP!  
  
*Last bullet in John's gun shoots Gerudo's head off*  
  
John: *Tosses shotgun into toolbox and pulls out Biggoron's sword* Outta bullets already.  
  
Samuel: Where'd you get that sword?  
  
John: Let's just say Goron City is missing some of it's key items.I stole 'em. *Grins evilly*  
  
15 minutes later.  
  
*All but one Gerudo are dead*  
  
Kristin: AHAHA! One more Gerudo! We will beat her! Ahaha! Oh, dangit, I'm outta darts. *Sniffles*  
  
Samuel: I'm outta arrows. O.o  
  
Danielle: Me too.  
  
Cherri: Charity and I are outta bullets. Better keep driving.*Drives right over big rock, knocking John from truck* Oops.*Slams on brakes*  
  
John: *Groans and rubs head*  
  
Gerudo: Now I'll get you for killing me back seven years AGO!  
  
Kristin: Ack! It's Mrs. Carter! O_O  
  
Gerudo: *Impales John with glaive*  
  
John: *Swings sword and cuts her head off, falls over, and disapears*  
  
Samuel: He's dead. O_O  
  
Charity: Iee.  
  
Danielle: HURRAY! *Waves pom poms*  
  
Cherri: Uh.*Stares blankly*  
  
Kristin: HE'S GONE! WAAAA-*Passes gas* [2]  
  
*Beat*  
  
Samuel: That right there, that was messed up. *Tosses Kristin out of truck* Ick, the smell.  
  
Kristin: Ack! *Lands on ground*  
  
Cherri: *Waves from truck* We'll pick you back up once the smell wears out.  
  
*At Temple of Time*  
  
John: *Suddenly appears* Whoa, that was cool. I'll have to die more often. *Grins wickedly and leaves*  
  
Back in Hyrule Field.  
  
Charity: *Sticks on gas mask and walks over to Kristin* Is the smell gone yet?  
  
Kristin: Oh, stop it! *Knocks off gas mask*  
  
Charity: *Eyes bulge out* The SMELL! AH! *Runs back to the truck*  
  
Kristin: *Sniffles and looks at nearby hill* Ooh.a stranger. I'll kill him with my stench, then STEAL STUFFLES FROM HIM! It's brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT I TELL YOU! AHAHA! *Knocks over tree and scuttles over to stranger*  
  
John: Alright, there's my truck. *Looks at figure wildly scuttling towards him* Hm.?  
  
Kristin: HUMDIGGER! *Pounces on John*  
  
John: Humdigger? Wacko.*Slices Kristin in half with Biggoron's Sword* Huh? Kristin? Oops.*Grins evilly and tosses fairy on remains*  
  
Kristin: *Comes alive and blinks* The smell must've worn off.Sorry, mister.Huh? AIYEE! TIS JOHN! IT'S ALIVE! AAAAAAHH!!! *Runs back to the truck, screaming*  
  
Danielle: SHE'S COMING BACK! She must be trying to kamikaze! RUN!  
  
Cherri: *Hits the gas pedal*  
  
Kristin & John: *Watch as truck speeds off towards Kokiri Forest*  
  
Kristin: Aw.Great, now I'm stuck out here with an un-dead John. Beautiful. *Sighs*  
  
John: *Walks up* Y'know, I CAN just play one of those warp songs and get us there quickly.  
  
Kristin: Well.Okay. Better to warp quickly with an un-dead John then walk across the field by meeself.  
  
John: *Smirks* Or maybe I'll just go myself. *Whips out Ocarina and starts disapearing in a flash of cheesy green light*  
  
Kristin: HEY! *Grabs onto John's arm at the last millisecond*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Now that we managed to escape and are now murdering Icy and Kim repeatedly, we're stopping this chapter RIGHT HERE! So live with it! Watch for the new chapter soon.  
  
[1] John thought that was funny - DEAD ReDEADS and ReDEADS that are alive. Get it?  
  
[2] Natural gas factory, heh heh! ^_^ 


	8. Chapter 8 Cheese Bombs!

Author's Notes:  
  
UnicornGirl: Hello! I've been given full hosting responsibilites for this chapter. Thank you all for your reviews. We don't own Zelda, and I'm making this author note short because I'm too bored to write anymore.  
  
Kokkan: WAAAAIIIITT!!! We forgot the RRR! Lil_Pink_Mew: Perhaps your sister issssss Zelda! Stolen from birth by a random hag who has nothing better to do with her time and spirited away to live with mooooortals! WHOWHOWHOWHOW! Ahem. Lonewalker: There, there, anyone who actually likes this IS insane. Enjoy insanity! ^_^ Oooh, I remind lotsa people of peoples...My best friend thinks I act like her boyfriend. Which is disturbing. But I disgress.  
  
UnicornGirl: Yes, yes! ENOUGH! More reviews, we wantssss! A little bitty anouncement, though: School starts tomorrow, so at the least I will be able to update once a week, if that. So do expect major updates. Apologies. ^_~  
  
(In Sacred Forest Meadow)  
  
John: *Appears in cheesy special effects* Niiice...Aw, why'd you have to make it?  
  
Kristin: Well, excuse me, mister-  
  
*John's pickup truck comes barreling up the stairs, running over fleeing Deku Scrubs*  
  
Fleeing Deku Scrubs: SQUEEEEAK!  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!  
  
John: *Sighs and calmly walks away from the barreling truck*  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAHHHHH-*Gets run over by pickup truck*  
  
Cherri: *Slams on brakes and the truck stops one inch from the wall*  
  
John: *Inspecting truck* You are very lucky that no scratches are on here...  
  
Danielle: *Whistles and stands in front of a very large scratch*  
  
Charity: *Pulls John away from truck* Let's see if Kristin's dead or not, yes, yes...  
  
John: *Becoming suspicious* What's going-  
  
Samuel: *Nervously* Oh, nothing...*Stage whispers to Danielle* Over to the left more! You can see part of the scratch!  
  
John: SCRATCH?! Look at this huge scratch leading to a...a...a...DENT! *Turns red*  
  
Cherri: AIEE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! TAKE COVER! HIT THE DIRT!  
  
(Far Away, on Lon Lon Ranch...)  
  
Malon: *Singing* Ooooo, oooo, o o o o ooooo...Oo? *Watches mushroom cloud appear in the direction of Kokiri Forest* O_O; Oooooooooooooo...  
  
(Back in Sacred Forest Meadow)  
  
John: *Standing in middle of crater* Never knew temper could be turned into explosions...Niiiiiiice.  
  
Kristin: *Burnt to a crisp* Man, is it me, or are we abused in this fic?  
  
John: It's you.  
  
Charity: WHY AREN'T YOU BURNT UP?!  
  
John: Uh...I dunno...*Shrugs*  
  
Danielle: Um...ehee...*Stares at smoking bit of metal that once was a pickup truck* Let's just...go into the Forest Temple. Yes yes.  
  
John: Argh...Luckily, I have another in my backpack. *Pulls out pickup truck and sets it on ground*  
  
*Beat*  
  
John: WHAT?!  
  
Samuel: Oh, nothing...  
  
Cherri: Let's just get going.  
  
*A few Hookshot trips later*  
  
Kristin: *Covered in Hookshot marks* I can't believe you guys used me as a Hookshot post...*Cries*  
  
John: Heh. Come on. *Walks into Forest Temple*  
  
Wolfos: AOOWWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! *Runs around in circles*  
  
All: *Blink*  
  
John: *Cuts both Wolfos' heads off*  
  
(Basically skipping a bunch of junk, all that's left is a bunch of dead bodies. Now let's join our.characters in the middle of the Boss Room)  
  
Samuel: Nobody's here.  
  
John: Kristin, walk towards the entrance to set off the trap.  
  
Kristin: Gotcha! *Walks through the opening and is almost through the other side* I don't think it's gonna...*Gets poked in the rear by a spike* YOW!  
  
John: Thanks.  
  
Kristin: *Hops back over fence and rubs sore rear* 'Sokay.  
  
Phantom Ganon: *Appears* RAHAHAHAHAHA! I am Phantom Ganon! RAHAHAHAHAHA! *Goes into long spew about how he'll defeat the world*  
  
Everyone Else: *Snoring*  
  
Phantom Ganon: ANYWAY! I will NOW go THROUGH the PAINTINGS! WHEE! GO HORSEE! *Giggles as horse goes through a painting*  
  
Charity: Is he this dumb in the real game?  
  
John: Oh no. Definitely not.  
  
Kristin: *Pulls out dart gun* Okay, keep a lookout for him.  
  
PG (Phantom Ganon): RADADA! CHARGE! *Begins running out of a painting*  
  
John: That gave him away. *Ignores Phantom of Phantom Ganon and smacks the real phantom with a coupla arrows while Kristin shoots dart gun. That was a mouthful.*  
  
PG: WAAAAAAAAA!!! I GOT HUWT! MOMMY! *Sit on floor and cries*  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Cherri: *Very calmly walks over and cuts his head off* There. That was easy. [1]  
  
Danielle: Eeeewww...*Turns green and barfs all over Samuel*  
  
Samuel: *Wiping vomit from face* Oh, yuck.  
  
Charity: Heehee...^_^  
  
Voice of Ganon (VOG): NOOO!!! My creation! It isn't alive! Blast, I knew I shouldn't have shopped at Phantoms R Us. They have the best deals, but the worst quality of items...  
  
John: Would you just get on with it instead of yapping about your shopping adventures?  
  
VOG: Harumph! Well, you defeated me, but I won't be as easy! I will send this Phantom back to Phantoms R Us. I expect a full refund, receipt or no receipt!  
  
*Phantom Ganon disapears*  
  
Kristin: Twas strange.  
  
John: Yeah...*Gets enveloped in gigantic rupee* See you guys at Death Mountain...*Disapears*  
  
(In Chamber of Sages)  
  
John: Oh, hey Faith.  
  
Saria: FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M SARIA! Oh, and thanks for saving my life. ^_^ Now.LET ME GET ON WITH MY SPEECH! I went to the Forest Temple because I kinda, well, nature was calling, but all the trees were taken up in the village! I had heard an old hag lived in the Forest Temple that sold Spot a Pots, and I went in search. But alas, it was a trap, and I was trapped by the trap that was placed in the temple to trap me! [2]  
  
John: *Confused*  
  
Saria: Oh, nevermind! Here. *Tosses Forest Medallion* Oh, Rauru wants a word with ya too. *Disapears*  
  
Rauru: *Appears* HEEEELLLLOOOO LINK! *Cough hack wheeze* Ahem! Since I didn't manage to see you when you first arrived, here is the Light Medallion!  
  
*Dramatic music plays as Rauru tosses the Light Medallion to John. It shimmers, glowing beautifully...then drops out of sight into the black abyss separating John and Rauru.*  
  
John: *Blinks* Was that supposed to happen?  
  
Rauru: Ah...no. One moment! *Hops down* AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa.*A faint kersplat is heard*  
  
John: *Rolls eyes*  
  
Rauru: *Comes shooting up and lands back on platform, then tosses Medallion to John*  
  
John: *Catches Medallion* Um...thanks. How'd you manage that?  
  
Rauru: I'm so fat, I just bounced off the floor. Quite convenient.  
  
John: I...see...Anyway, where were you the first time I dropped in?  
  
Rauru: Oh, then? Getting my beard permed at the Hyrulian Hair Cuttery and Spa. I must say, I look good with a curly beard. It fades after a day, though.  
  
John: This is disturbing...  
  
Rauru: Yes, yes. Well, I have teleported your friends to Death Mountain. You will now join them there.  
  
*John disappears*  
  
(At Death Mountain)  
  
Danielle: How much longer is he gonna be?!  
  
Kristin: *Throwing custom Cheeseball Bombs off cliff at the Gorons below* Don't know, don't care.  
  
Random Goron: AIEEEE!!! Tis raining Cheeseballs, I tell ye! Tis ye olde Apocalypse! *Runs smack into a wall and slips on cheese and dies from cheese suffocation*  
  
John: *Appears directly above Kristin*  
  
Kristin: Mweheehee...Stooooopid Gorons...AIEE! *Gets crushed by John falling on her*  
  
John: *Gets off Kristin* Alright, now we get to go into the FIRE TEMPLE!  
  
Dilandau: *Pops in* FIRE! TEMPLE FULL OF FIRE! BURN! MWAHAHAHAHA! *Twitch, twitch*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Dilandau, how many times have I told you?! Tis RUDE to pop into other's fanfiction! When will you muses' helpers ever learn manners...Sorry, guys. *Drags Dilandau away*  
  
Kristin: *Lightbulb appears over head* HEY! Why doesn't Dilandau join us?! As my favorite bishonen, he DOES have a right...  
  
John: Do you want him dead a millisecond after he arrives? [3]  
  
Kristin: *Glances at Biggoron's Sword* Ah...never mind. Hee hee. ^_^;  
  
John: Good. Now let's go.  
  
(At Entrance to Fire Temple)  
  
John: Alright! The moment of triumph has come!  
  
Charity: So THIS is the-  
  
Samuel: Don't say it!!!  
  
Charity: -Fire Temple.  
  
Dilandau: *Pops in* FIRE! BURN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
2-D: *Pops in* Sorry, guys...Don't mention fire again, alright? Dilandau here, he's going nuts...I fink Domino's about had it...*Grabs Dilandau and pops out*  
  
Kristin: *Swoons* Ah, my favorite guy from my favorite band, and my favorite bishonen...It can't get much better than this! 'Course they just HAD to leave so soon...*Sighs*  
  
Rest: *Smacks forehead*  
  
Danielle: Let's just get going...*Rubs head*  
  
(Inside Fi-Uh, You know what Temple)  
  
Kristin: La dee dee doo daaaaaaa...*Gets smacked on the back of the head by a Fire Keese* AH! *Burns up* Heeeeeeelp! *Vanishes*  
  
Cherri: *Slices and dices the Keeses* Dangit, now where's she gonna pop up?!  
  
*At entrance, Kristin pops in*  
  
Kristin: Ooo, what rush! *Scuttles over to everyone else*  
  
John: Here, with this being the Fi-I mean, the you know what temple, you'll probably be needing this a lot. *Tosses Farore's Wind to Kristin*  
  
Kristin: Ooo, pretty! Thankee! *Sticks Farore's Wing in Pocket of Infinite Junk*  
  
(Basically, skipping a buncha junk, Kristin got roasted fifty one times and now they're in front of the Boss Room)  
  
Kristin: Man, if I die ONE MORE TIME-  
  
*Random fire geyser roasts her*  
  
Kristin: *Pops back in using Farore's Wind* Do not comment.  
  
John: *Smirks and enters Boss Room, followed by everyone else, and jumps over to Volvagia's platform, followed by the others, except Charity*  
  
Danielle: So where is he?  
  
John: Kristin, walk forward and start the trap.  
  
Kristin: NONONO!  
  
John: NOW.  
  
Kristin: Noooooooooo!  
  
Samuel: I'll take care of it. *Makes sad puppy face*  
  
Kristin: N...n...n...OKAY! *Stomps off*  
  
Samuel: Heh, works every time. ^_^  
  
Kristin: Oh, Mr. Volvaaaaagia...Come out but don't burn me uuuuup...*Scuttles forward*  
  
Volagia (V): AROOOOOOOAR! *Flies out, splattering Kristin with lava, and yes, frying her*  
  
All: *Wait for Kristin to reappear, suddenly hear banging on the door*  
  
Kristin: *Muffled voice* HEY! I CAN'T GET IN! LEMME IIIIN!  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Charity: Um, I'll just stay on the platform insteada coming over, okay? I mean- *Platform begins to sink* AIE! *Is left standing on a tiny piece of rock* Help!  
  
All: *Blink*  
  
Cherri: Let's just get on with the fight, okay?  
  
Samuel: Yeah, I'll make sure to protect Charity, right?  
  
John: Yep, can't have her dying. *Grins*  
  
Samuel: Of course you do realize you owe me for this, Charity...  
  
Charity: Oh, be quiet and fight already! _ At least I'm outta the fighting zone...  
  
V: ROAR! AROAR! *Dives back into hole*  
  
John: Time for Whack-A-Volagia...*Whips out Megaton Hammer*  
  
V: AOOOWOWOWOEDOFEOFBEFEVHGFVJHFVEJHFVFVJHEFVJH!!!  
  
*Beat*  
  
V: *Coughs* Sorry, tis my sore throat. Breathing fire harms the esaphogus.  
  
*Beat*  
  
V: Never mind. Let's just go back to me being a mindless dragon. *Pops out of hole*  
  
John: *Bashes V on head* I should try this with Kristin sometime...  
  
Kristin: *From other side of door* NO! No one is smacking ME with a HAMMER! NwahayahayahaKA!  
  
*Mysterious hammer appears over Kristin, and SMACK!*  
  
John: Heh...*Grins evilly*  
  
Kristin: @_@  
  
John: *Cackles*  
  
Kristin: ...Just get on with the fight so I can get through!  
  
V: *Bursts out of hole*  
  
Samuel: *Shoots a bunch of arrows*  
  
V: *Flies back into hole and pops back up* Y'know, considering my skull is as thick as concrete, this could take awhile.  
  
Danielle: Ah, I twill end this fight.  
  
John: You? Yeah right.  
  
Samuel: *Snickers*  
  
Danielle: Hmph! *Mixes potion and walks over to Volvagia* Here, have a drink.  
  
V: Um, thanks, I suppose...*Gulps down potion* AH! *Turns into cute fuzzy lil bunny rabbit*  
  
Cherri: Now, what were you two saying...? *Smirks at John and Samuel*  
  
John: *Whacks Cherri on the head with Megaton hammer, whips out fairy, sticks it on headless body, and grins sheepishly* Oops...Don't know my own strength.  
  
Charity: HA! EAT YOUR FEET!  
  
*Beat*  
  
Charity: Y'know, stick your feet in your mouth, so eat 'em?  
  
All: *Blink*  
  
Charity: FORGET IT! _  
  
Danielle: Anywaaaaaaaaaaay...Back to business. I WON! I WON! I WOOOOOOON! I WANNA BE A MILLIONAIRE!  
  
*Beat*  
  
All: ...  
  
Danielle: Do not comment.  
  
John: *Gets enveloped by rupee* See ya on the other side. *Smirks and vanishes*  
  
Samuel, Danielle, Cherri, and Charity: *Get teleported away*  
  
Kristin: *Finally makes it through door* Okay guys! I figured out I just had to turn the doorknob! I'm rea...Guys? Guys? GUYS?! *Looks at hopping Volagia-bunny, whips out dart gun*  
  
V: Aw, I'm a cute wil bunny! ^_^ *Hail of darts lands all around him, missing him completely for five minutes, looks at Kristin and smirks* You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! *Gets shot between the eyes, and promptly dies*  
  
Kristin: *Puts away dart gun* Now, how to get back with the others...*Scuttles out door*  
  
*Screen freezes*  
  
UnicornGirl: *Pops in* Hello, I'm UnicornGirl, and you're reading Game Reality! Coming up is Chapter 9, so stay tuned! ^_~  
  
[1] Heh, when John first read this he was like 'Whoa, that was unexpected'. Also OOC for Cherri, but I'll do what I want!  
  
[2] I was in a weird mood at the time.Spot a Pots in Hyrule.Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. ^^;;;  
  
[3] John hates Dilandau, the Dragon Slayers, and Escaflowne in general. Stupid John. 


	9. Chapter 9 We Have To Go BACK!

Author's Notes:  
  
Kokkan: ...We apologize, people, for the duplicate chapter. It has been...taken care of.  
  
Freakees: *Tied up, being dipped repeatedly in boiling pit of hot oil* OOOOOOWWWW!!! IT WASN'T MY FAAAAUUULLLLLTTT!!! RABID CHIPMUNK UPLOADED IT! NOT ME! I'M INNO-OWWWWWWWWWWW!!! *Faints*  
  
Kokkan: *Paints nails* Rabid Chipmunk, is that true...? *Maniacal gleam appears in eyes*  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: Er...*Looks at burnt Freakees* NO! I was at...Acorns Anonymous. *Crosses fingers behind back*  
  
Kokkan: *Blows on nails* The RRR, then. Quick, now.  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: *Salutes* Alrighty! FOUR REVIEWS FROM ONE PERSON! WE LOVE YOU! WE REALLY LOVE YOU! ^________^ Alrighty then, Chi Senshi: Legolas is the cutiest cuttie on Earth, period! ^_~ Evil is perfect, yesssss...Wahaha...As for the 'beat' question...Have you ever seen a show or movie when someone messes up and there's a sound like a record suddenly screeching to a halt? You know? They call it a beat. Well, _I_ call it a beat, anyway...*Scratches head* Déjà vu...er...IT'S FREAKEES FAULT I TELL YOU! *Spazzes out*  
  
Kokkan: *Raises one perfectly plucked eyebrow* The guilty often overstress their innocence...  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: ...Freak...ANYWAY! Skyla: Dilandau is the cutest person...Of course he was to be anime...BUT WE MUSES HAVE HIM! He's one of our maaaany cute helpers. Hi Dil!  
  
Dilandau: *In background, torches the remains of Freakees body*  
  
Kokkan: Cute. Enjoy the chapter.  
  
John: *Appears in Chamber of Sages* Okay, now for the Fi-...Never mind. *Waits patiently*  
  
*An hour later still waits*  
  
*Five hours later, John is STILL waiting...*  
  
John: Aw, come on! Where the heck is stupid Darunia?!  
  
Domino: *Pops in* 'Ello. Lookin' for the Fire Medallion?  
  
Dilandau: *Pops in* FIRE! MEDALLION! FIRE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
John: Y'know, I've had enough of this pyro...*Whips out arrows, and well...Dilandau has a few holes in him. Dear me.*  
  
Dilandau: Eh? *Examines holes* HEY! MOERO!  
  
Domino: Poor Dilly-chan. Muses' helpers can't die. Anyway, Dil, off you go...  
  
Dilandau: *Rubs head* I have a headache...  
  
Domino: Oooh boy... *Grabs Dilandau and pops out, then pops back in*  
  
John: What was that about?  
  
Domino: Trust me, you don't wanna know what happens when Dil here gets a headache. *Coughturnsintocelinacough*  
  
John: *Blinks*  
  
Domino: Anyway! The Fire Medallion isn't here 'cause Darunia's dead.  
  
John: What?!  
  
Domino: Well, Danielle cheated and stole the Spiritual Stones of Fire and Water, so Ruto and Darunia are dead 'cause Ganny-boy killed 'em.  
  
John: Alright!  
  
Domino: But the Medallions aren't around.  
  
John: What?! Well, then just make 'em materielize or whatever.  
  
Domino: Nope! For dos reasons. One, Kokkan is sick of us making things happen, and two, 'cause I need a subject for the new chapters. BWA! Sooo, just go back in time, defeat King Dodongo and Barinade, and poofaloofa, you'll get your Medallions. *Shrugs and pops out*  
  
John: Stupid...*Gets enveloped by rupee and vanishes*  
  
*At Temple of Time*  
  
Danielle: Why'd we get teleported here?!  
  
Cherri: Who knows...And where's Kristin?!  
  
*Somewhere in the Fire Temple*  
  
Kristin's Distant Voice: Hallooooo...Anybody heeeere? Aw, man, I'm lost. [1]  
  
*Back to the Temple of Time*  
  
Samuel: I guess when John 'ports in he won't be able to fall on Kristin.  
  
Charity: He'll be disapointed. ^_^  
  
*Back at the Fire Temple...Oy vey...*  
  
Kristin: *Wandering around* How could I have gotten lost? I mean, sure, I just ran out and lost Farore's Wind, but still...  
  
John: *Appears over Kristin*  
  
Kristin: *Sniffles* I wish someone else was here...AIEE! *Gets squashed by John*  
  
John: *Smirks* Ooh, look who's here. Wazzup?  
  
Kristin: *Crawls out from under John* You! YOU! YOOOUUUUU!!!  
  
John: *Sighs and prepares himself for a lecture*  
  
Kristin: YOU'RE FINALLY HERE! *Glomps John* I was so lost and lonely and hungry and thirsty...*Cries*  
  
John: *Tries to pry Kristin off* Argh...get off already! Where's Farore's Wind? I want it back.  
  
Kristin: *Detaches herself from John* Weeell...Farore's Wind led a good, fruitful life. We will cherish memories of it forever.  
  
John: Where. Is. Farore's. Wind.  
  
Kristin: It...dropped into a fire geyser. I'm SO SORRY! WAAAAA!!! *Wails*  
  
John: *Twitch twitch*  
  
Kristin: I mean, you'll get me out of here anyway, wight? *Gives cute puppy eyes*  
  
John: *Twitch twitch*  
  
Kristin: Um...you're not mad or anything, right?  
  
John: *Twitches even more*  
  
Kristin: Oh dear. *Trembles* [2]  
  
*At Temple of Time*  
  
Charity: Okay, John's been gone too long. It's getting aggravating.  
  
Samuel: Maybe he was teleported right into a pit of LAVA! *Cackles evilly*  
  
Danielle: Meep, you're beginning to sound like John...*Edges away*  
  
Samuel: Mwahaha! Mwahaha! Mwahaha! *Laughs evilly*  
  
Cherri: Oh, shut up. *Punches Samuel*  
  
Samuel: Mwaha-*Snaps out of trance* Oh, thanks Cherri. I sorta lost it there.  
  
Cherri: No problem. ^_^  
  
Charity: WAIT! I hear something...  
  
Faint Voice: ...aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA...*Crashes through roof*  
  
Cherri: *Looks at beat up Kristin laying on floor* You got John mad, didn't ya?  
  
Kristin: *Groans and sits up* I lost Farore's Wind and John wasn't too happy...He kicked me from Death Mountain Crater to here. *Sighs and twiddles thumbs*  
  
John: *Appears in flash of yellow light* Heh, I finally got rid of Kri-Aw, man, how'd you make it here?  
  
Kristin: You kicked me through the roof!  
  
John: Too bad I didn't kill you. Anyway, I need to head back in the past so I can go through Dodongo's Cavern and Jabu Jabu's belly. Ruto and Darunia are dead since Danielle cheated, so I'm going back to save 'em.  
  
Danielle: We're going too!  
  
John: Oh, but you're not! I'll finally get rid of you stupid people! *Runs towards the Master Sword pedestal*  
  
Samuel: AFTER HIM!  
  
Rest: *Chase after John*  
  
John: *Disapears in blue light just as they reach him*  
  
Charity: Dangit, now he'll have a nice, fun adventure and we'll be stuck here.  
  
Kristin: No we won't! One moment, por favor. *Shrieks*  
  
Kokkan: *Pops in* Y'know, you could just say my name and I'd come in. *Pulls earplugs out of ears*  
  
Kristin: Send us back in time! NOW!  
  
Kokkan: Your wish is my command! *Snickers and zaps all of 'em*  
  
All: *Appear back in time*  
  
Kristin: Ha! We will find John and...where are we?  
  
Random T-Rex: RRROOOOAOAOAOAOOAAARRRRR!!! *Eats rabid Cuccoo*  
  
Rabid Cucco: CLUCK! CLUUUUUCK! SQUWASK! [3]  
  
Cherri: She took us too far back! We're in the age of the dinosaurs!  
  
Kristin: *Singing to the tune of 'Age of Aquarius' song* This is the age of the dinos, age of the dinos, laaaaaaaaaaaaa...  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Stop it! *Covers ears* That's the worst singing I've ever heard...*Winces*  
  
Mysterious Voice: MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Samuel: What the heck...?  
  
Danielle: Aw, some poor baby lost it's mommy. *Sniffles*  
  
Kristin: Let's investigate! *Nod nod* Huh?  
  
Baby Skull Kid (BSK): MOMMA! *Runs out of bushes and attaches self to Kristin's leg*  
  
Kristin: Wha?! *Wildly attempts to detach BSK* It won't come ooooofffffff!!!  
  
Kokkan: Kristin! What have you been doing in here?!  
  
Kristin: IT'S NOT MINE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON!!! *Runs around in  
  
circles*  
  
Charity: This is certainly...ah...interesting. *Blinks*  
  
Kristin: *Stops running and looks down* I know...And I shall call him, Mini- Me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
*Beat*  
  
Cherri: How 'bout you name it...Josh! *Smiles dreamily* [4]  
  
*Beat*  
  
Kristin: I KNOW! This is the baby's name. *Horns blare* Floppy Disk!  
  
All: *Blink*  
  
Kristin: What?! I'll call it that till I find its real mother and then dump it. Simple as that. ^_^  
  
Cherri: Either way, I say we get back to the time frame John is in, Floppy Disk or no Floppy Disk.  
  
Kokkan: Yah, I'd say that'd be a good idea. Mwahahaha! *Zaps everyone*  
  
*Everyone gets zapped forward back in time...BACK TO THE FUTURE! I mean, Forward to the Past, I mean...Forget it.*  
  
*Everyone appears in Temple of Time*  
  
*Dramatic music plays as the heroes, minus John, step into the light, once  
  
again little kids. They open their mouths to say a glorious saying...*  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA!  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Kristin: You're still here?! _  
  
Kokkan: John's already in Dodongo's Cavern, right in front of the boss arena. If you want I can zap you all there.  
  
Samuel: Really? You're being awful generous.  
  
Kokkan: Well, it's the least I can do concerning Kristin's current predicament  
  
of Floppy Disk...*Sighs*  
  
Danielle: Well, works for me!  
  
Kokkan: *Zaps everyone*  
  
*Everyone lands in Dodongo's Cavern*  
  
All: *Look around*  
  
Kristin: WHERE'S JOHN?! *Sits on floor and wails*  
  
*A word of consolation is offered.*  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA!  
  
Navi: Hey! Look! Listen!  
  
All: IT'S NAAAAAVVVVVIIIIIII!!!  
  
Navi: Beware of the shadows of the creatures that hang from the ceiling!  
  
All: *Notice ominous shadow appearing above Kristin and Floppy Disk*  
  
Kristin: *Eyes wide* Mommy!  
  
Floppy Disk: *Eyes wide* Momma!  
  
Mysterious Shadow: *Drops from ceiling, lands on Kristin, reveals itself to be John* Hi! Did I miss anything?  
  
Samuel: Well, Kristin has a baby. ^_^;  
  
John: O_O Kristin, what happened while I was gone?!  
  
Kristin: Oh, stop it!  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma?  
  
John: Ah...no. Getting to the present moment, Kristin, would you kindly  
  
fall down this hole?  
  
Kristin: No.  
  
Samuel: I'll do it. *Gives sad puppy eyes*  
  
Kristin: Aw...I can't...must...resist...DANGIT! *Jumps down hole*  
  
Floppy Disk: *Falling down hole with Kristin* Moooooooommmmmmaaaaaaa!!!  
  
*In Dodongo's Arena*  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Land on floor*  
  
Floor: *Begins shaking*  
  
King Dodongo: ROROROROROOAREAREA&VFDKJSBFIBFKJBFDKFBKJFBKJDFKJFB!!!  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
King Dodongo: *Roasts Kristin & Floppy Disk*  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Fall over dead*  
  
King Dodongo: Hmmm??? Dead already? Ah well. Tis a shame. *Pulls out TV and begins watching Pokemon*  
  
*In above room*  
  
Kristin: *Pops back in, Floppy Disk securely attached to leg* Okay, trap's been pulled.  
  
John: Great. Let's go! *Hops down hole*  
  
Rest: *Follow him*  
  
King Dodongo: For the love of roasted peanuts, why can't Charizard roast Pikachu?! Bring back the honor of big, scaly dragons, ya moron!  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
King Dodongo: Harumph...Hm? AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! They're alive! *Rolls around wildly*  
  
Samuel: AAAAAHHHHH!!! RUN FOR IT!  
  
All: *Run, with KD (King Dodongo) gaining on 'em, i.e. Indiana Jones style*  
  
*Indiana Jones music blares in background*  
  
John: *Pulls out whip, attaches whip to ceiling, walks across wall, lands behind KD*  
  
Kristin: I shalt vanquish the evil scaley thingamabober! *Turns bravely around, preparing to fight to the end and...gets run over*  
  
Flattened Kristin: Ow...  
  
Flattened Floppy Disk: Momma...  
  
Rest: *Still running* AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
John: *Tosses bomb up & down* Die drej scum! *Throws bomb into KD's mouth*  
  
Danielle: I shalt make sure the evil scaly thingamabober is properly vanquished! *Whips out bomb bag*  
  
*500 bombs rain down on the arena*  
  
One Bomb: *Lands on TV* *TV blows up*  
  
KD: What?! My beautiful Poopymon! *Sits on lava and cries*  
  
Charity: Um...his butt is roasting.  
  
KD: *Inhales, preparing to breath fire, and John gets sucked in*  
  
Danielle: HURRAH! He died! He died! *Waves poms poms and cheers*  
  
Kristin: *Rises from floor, still flattened* I say, old bean, this is a predicament.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: *Sliding down throat* Die! *Whips out bomb and...let's just say, while John died, so did KD's stomach. Talk about yer heartburn.*  
  
KD: *Starts choking, sinks into lava, burns up*  
  
*Heart container and Blue Light appears*  
  
Annoying K-Mart Associate: Try our Blue Light special! Or else we're really going under! ^_^ *Gets blown up by Danielle's rabid bombs*  
  
Samuel: Hey, who's gonna get the Heart Container?  
  
Danielle: I, of course, since I am in mourning of my lost brother. *Crosses fingers behind back* It has ruined my life, I assure you.  
  
Cherri: Well, it should be me or Charity since neither of us should die, lest the game blow up! And it should be ME, since I'm so much cooler than that brat.  
  
Charity: BRAT?! Why you little BUG! I SHOULD GET IT! I'M A PRINCESS!  
  
Kristin: NO! I was almost killed saving you pedestrians!  
  
Samuel: But...John...DID die saving us pedestrians, so you don't have room to talk.  
  
Kristin: Shut thy mouth!  
  
All: *Fighting over Heart Container*  
  
Floppy Disk: Mooo...mmmmaaaaa...*Grabs Heart Container, heart container disapears*  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: *Pops in to prevent everyone from killing Floppy Disk, for if they did, Kristin's leg would've been torn off*  
  
Kristin: Well, where are we going now? *Fends off attackers of Floppy Disk*  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: I'll set ya down in front of Jabu Jabu! *Snaps fingers, everyone freezes* And that's the end of the chapter for today. Ciao peoples! ^_~  
  
[1] I usually don't get lost...I just end up taking the long way to wherever I'm going. ^^;;;  
  
[2] John has a bad temper, as I've recently found out. Oh well. ^_^  
  
[3] As you can probably guess by now, I have a demented obsession with all things rabid. Heeheehee.  
  
[4] Josh is Cherri's boyfriend. Mein gott, when we were at Disney she was constantly talking to him on her cell phone. *Rolls eyes* Honestly. 


	10. Chapter 10 Jabu Jabu's Belly

Author's Notes:  
  
Kim: Hahahahahahahaha! I'm hosting NOW! So READ and REVIEW this piece o' junk or else.*Whips out missile launcher and laughs insanely* Anyway, we muses apologize for the wait, but we've been banned from fanfiction.net because it has, supposedly, 'interefered with our schooling hyuk hyuk hyuk'. Grrrrrr. Anyway, we reward your patience with this, which is, in Kristin's opinion, the funniest and most disgusting chapter.  
  
*At Jabu Jabu's Platform*  
  
Kristin: How can he breathe out of water?  
  
Samuel: Notice he's bobbing in and out of the water.  
  
Kristin: But...but...but...I don't have a comeback.  
  
Cherri: Hey, Domino? A fish would be nice right about now...  
  
Kristin: *Wanders up to Jabu Jabu's mouth*  
  
JJ (Jabu Jabu): *Opens mouth*  
  
Domino: Oh, John's already in there.  
  
Kristin: My! What smelly breath you have!  
  
JJ: *Begins hacking, giant balls of phlegm come out of mouth* [1]  
  
All: AAAAAAHHHHH!!! *Become covered in phlegm, dive into water*  
  
*After washing off*  
  
Domino: That was digusting! You guys are on your own! *Pops out*  
  
Kristin: Let's go find JOHN!  
  
Danielle: I bet you a hundred to one he's arguing to Ruto about carrying her.  
  
Cherri: Yeah, right.  
  
All: *Walk in*  
  
Kristin: Lalala...*Falls down hole* AAAAHHH!!! I'M BEING DIGESTED!!! [2]  
  
All: *Follow*  
  
Kristin: *Lands on floor* Me butt, me butt...Huh? AIEEE!!! Tis a mutated phlegm ball!  
  
Ruto: I beg your pardon! I am Ruto, Princess of the Zoras! I was arguing with that weirdo who is about to-  
  
John: *Lands on Kristin*  
  
Kristin: *Crawls out from under John* One day, I will dodge you.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: Just wait till I get the iron boots!  
  
Kristin: *Faints*  
  
Rest: *Land*  
  
Danielle: John, are you arguing with Ruto over having to carry her?  
  
John: Uh...yeah.How'd you know? Wait, on second thought.  
  
Ruto: MORE WEIRDOS?!  
  
All: *Brandish weapons*  
  
Ruto: That is to say.I meant weirdos in a good way!  
  
All: Oh. *Put away weapons*  
  
Ruto: Well, someone has to carry me!  
  
John: Kristin? You're the tallest.  
  
Kristin: Ah, no. I'm already carrying somebody! *Glares at Floppy Disk*  
  
Ruto: It has to be a guy so I can live up to my reputation as a flirt!  
  
John: *Yanks Samuel* He'll do it!  
  
Samuel: WHAT?! That goes against all principles of-  
  
John: *Takes out Soviet AK 47*  
  
Samuel: On second thought.Sure, hop on!  
  
*After several minutes, our (not) heroic group makes it to the Spiritual Stone*  
  
Ruto: Ohohohoh! MY STONE! *Hops*  
  
Samuel: *Straining under weight* .Don't.hop.*Falls over*  
  
Ruto: THROW ME UP THERE!  
  
John: No.  
  
Ruto: Samuel?  
  
Samuel: So.heavy.*Faints*  
  
Ruto: Argh! *Hops on platform by herself, runs up to Stone* Prreeeettttyyyy!!! *Elevator moves* KYAAAA!!! AN OCTOPUS THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE ONE!!!  
  
Charity: Since when, in medievil times, did they have elevators in gigantic fish's stomachs?!  
  
John: Who cares? Spread out, we're about to have company.  
  
*Sure enough, a protective covering covers the door, and a gigantic mutated phlegm ball, aka Octopus of Doom for Lack of a Better Name, appears*  
  
OoDfLoaBN (Octupus of Doom for Lack of a Better Name): RRRROOOOAAAARRR!!! *Spins around*  
  
Kristin: Who should attack first?!  
  
John: I dunno, who has the boomerang?  
  
All: Um.*Look around*  
  
Danielle: I think we skipped that part.  
  
John: Samuel, help me boost as many as the company as we can onto the platform.  
  
Samuel: I've done enough carrying!  
  
John: *Whips out Soviet AK 47*  
  
Samuel: Uh.who first?  
  
John: That's better.  
  
*A few moments later, everyone but Kristin, Floppy Disk, John, and Samuel are on the platform*  
  
John: Kristin. Get. On. The. Platform.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Kristin: I will not be thrown! I will climb! I will make it! I will- *Gets smacked by the OoDfLoaBN*  
  
Samuel: *Smacks forehead* Brilliant, Kristin. Brilliant.  
  
Kristin: KYAAAAAA!!! *Flies across the room* THAT'S IT! I've had enough! *Whips out PDS* I can handle being attacked, but you will not hurt my Floppy Disk! *Pokes wildly at OoDfLoaBN*  
  
OoDfLoaBN: AROROROROROGAGAGAGAGGAARRRRRRRHARR! *Dies*  
  
John: That.was abrupt.  
  
Kristin: *Wipes off goo* Mother's protectiveness. Pay it no mind. *Pats Floppy Disk*  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Cherri: Enough of this already! We need to get going before it's too late!  
  
John, Kristin, Samuel: *Hop on elevator*  
  
*Elevator zooms up to the upper floor*  
  
Kristin: *Singing* He got real big on burgers an' fries, now he's down to a smaller size, he's Henry, Clay Henry.Subway, eat fresh.*Dances a jig*  
  
Charity: WHAT are you talking about?  
  
Kristin: *Shrugs, continues humming, prances around elevator*  
  
Samuel: I will not ask, I will not pretend I care.  
  
*Elevator arrives*  
  
Mechanical Voice: Welcome to the Upper Floor. Be prepared to immediately face an electrified jellyfish and soon the boss. Also, be prepared to be killed. Have a nice day.  
  
All: *Sweatdrop*  
  
*Skipping more stuff, we're back in front of the Boss Door*  
  
All: *Walk in*  
  
John: Kristin, set the trap.  
  
Kristin: One must do something to support one's kid who is not one's own.*Sighs and scuttles forward*  
  
B (Barinade): *Gurgles, electricutes Kristin*  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Begin shaking*  
  
John: Uh.  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Twitch*  
  
Danielle: Uh-oh.  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Burst into flames*  
  
Cherri: *Snaps picture* A beeeeyooootiful Kodak moment.  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Pop back in*  
  
Kristin: That was wude.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: Spread out, guys. Hearts are in the pots if'n you need 'em.  
  
Danielle: *Skips up, covered in rubber*  
  
B: *Electricutes Danielle*  
  
Danielle: Can't hurt me, covered in rubber! I am invincible! *Hacks at tentacles attaching B to ceiling*  
  
B: *Now free, gurgles and twirls around wildly*  
  
Kristin: Best ballet performance ever, old chap! *Get whacked by jellyfish armor, spike on jellyfish armor sticks in Kristin* AAAAAHHH!!! *Goes twirling around the room, attached to B*  
  
Samuel: Oh, for crying out loud! *Runs under jellyfish armor, hacks away at B*  
  
Cherri: *Runs alongside jellyfish holding Kristin, hacks at spike*  
  
Kristin: Hit the spike! Not me! THE SPIKE!  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
B: *Gurgles*  
  
Charity: What's my weapon?! I need a weapon!  
  
John: *Running after B* Stun it with Zelda's incompetence!  
  
Charity: Alright! My eyebrows are green! I'm going to send a boy to save a country! I think I'll give him my beautiful ocarina too! I'm going to run away from some idiot on a horse! I'll have weird dreams!  
  
B: *Turns blue, sinks to floor, gurgles*  
  
Kristin: Now! While he's down! Get me OFF!  
  
Cherri: I can't hack through the spike!  
  
John and Samuel: *Hack away*  
  
B: *Gurgles, shoots back up and begins twirling*  
  
Kristin: My stomach.*Begins vomiting*  
  
Cherri: *Gets covered in vomit* Well! See if I try to help you next time!  
  
Danielle: *Riding on top of B* Wheeeeee!!!  
  
John: Charity, we need more stupidity!  
  
Charity: I'm on it! I'm going to be a tranvestite when I grow up! I'm going to get captured! I'm going to get trapped in a girly pink crystal and whine about it!  
  
B: *Gurgles, speeds up to light speed*  
  
Samuel: Now we can't even see it!  
  
Kristin: *Hacks up whatever food she ever ate*  
  
Danielle: YAHOOOOOO!  
  
B: *Suddenly blows up*  
  
Kristin: *Falls to floor, covered in vomit, green slime, and remains of warts* I hate Barinade.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Kristin: *Crawls over to pot, smashes it* I need a Heart.*Finds herself holding a pumping, real-life heart* EGADS! *Pukes up some bark*  
  
Samuel: *Turns green, turns around, and pukes*  
  
*Heart Container appears*  
  
John: Alright, give me the heart container.  
  
Kristin: I need it! I'm dying.*Crawls toward heart container and sniffs* [3]  
  
Charity: I stunned it, I get it!  
  
Cherri: I tried to save Kristin, so I get it for my valiant deed!  
  
Danielle: It's mine, and that's IT!  
  
Samuel: Take.BLECH.it.BLU.I.HACK.don't.BLECK.care.BLARGH.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma. *Grabs Heart Container*  
  
Rest: FLOPPY DISK! _  
  
Kristin: Ahahah! Nooo trying to kill me poor Floppy Disk! *Waves PDS around menacingly*  
  
*Blue light appears with Ruto in it*  
  
John: Oh boy. See you guys later. *Walks into blue light*  
  
Rest: *Get teleported away*  
  
Ruto: You! YOU! YOOOUUUU!!!  
  
John: What did I ever do to deserve this.  
  
Ruto: You were cool! Way cooler than I thought you'd be! Well, a little, anyway.  
  
John: Hurry UP already!  
  
Ruto: Harumphie!  
  
Both: *Teleport*  
  
John: *Opens eyes*  
  
Ruto: *Right in front of him* Hee hee hee!  
  
John: GAH! *Punches Ruto*  
  
Ruto: Hehehooooooo.@_@ *Falls into water*  
  
John: Oops.*Dives down, steals Spiritual Stone of Water* Heh heh heh! *Swims away* She's not concious, so I'm not engaged.Heh.*Cackles*  
  
Ruto: *Wakes up, sees John waaaay far away* HEY YOU! WE'RE ENGAGED NOW! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHE!  
  
John: Dangit!  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Oh, cruel twist of fate, eh? Heh heh. *Cackles*  
  
John: Why didn't you stop her from waking up?!  
  
Domino: Too much fun! Anywhoo, ready to be teleported to the others?  
  
John: Yeah. *Vanishing in flash of light*  
  
*At Temple of Time*  
  
Kristin: I'm bored.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Samuel: We know.  
  
Kristin: Hey! I know! I'll entertain us all!  
  
Danielle: Oh no.*Cowers*  
  
Kristin: *Singing* I waaaaant my Baby Back Baby Back Baby Back Baby Back.Chiiiiiiillllleeeeeee'sssssss Baaaaaaby Baaaaack Riiiiiibssss.Barbecue Sauce! *Dances the hula*  
  
All: GAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! *Hurls rocks, wood, and other debris at Kristin*  
  
John: *Appears over Kristin*  
  
Kristin: Would you like hear it again?  
  
All: NOOO!!!  
  
Kristin: Yes? GOOD!  
  
John: *Strikes match, pulls bomb out*  
  
Kristin: First, to warm up.*Takes big breath* *Bomb lands on Kristin's head*  
  
*Loud blast ensues*  
  
Kristin: *Burnt* Ow. *Falls over*  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: *Lands on Kristin's back, launches towards pedestal*  
  
Kristin: I am NOT the human trampoline here!  
  
John: Works for me! *Pulls out sword, vanishing in blue light*  
  
Samuel: We got left behind AGAIN!  
  
Background Music: I wish we'd all been reaaaaddddyyyyy.  
  
Cherri: SHUT UP!  
  
Kristin: *Stands up, then shrieks*  
  
Domino: *Pops in* FOR THE LAST TIME! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHRIEK!  
  
Kristin: But it's so fun! Now, take us forward to the future!  
  
Domino: *Grins* Okay then! The future!  
  
All: *Disapear*  
  
All: *Reappear*  
  
All: *Are surrounded by aliens, hover cars, teleporters, laser guns, the works*  
  
Kristin: Wow, where the heck- *Nearly gets hit by hover car* Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto!  
  
Cherri: Are you comparing one of us to a dog?  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Charity: This is aggravating.  
  
Samuel: Shut up.  
  
Charity: Make me!  
  
Samuel: *Pulls out sword*  
  
Charity: *Sulks*  
  
Danielle: Domino, take us back already!  
  
Domino: Back? Okay, I can do back! *Cackles*  
  
Danielle: You KNOW what we mean, Domino.  
  
Domino: Fine.  
  
All: *Vanish*  
  
*Appear at Temple of Time*  
  
All: *Walk outside*  
  
Kristin: Uh-oh.  
  
Cherri: What?  
  
Kristin: Now we hafta do the dreaded.Water Temple! *Horns toot*  
  
Danielle: Wasn't it the Water Temple that got us here in the first place?  
  
Kristin: SHUT UP! *Horns fall silent*  
  
Domino: Here, I'll teleport you to the room with the Iron Boots. Y'know, in the Ice Cavern.  
  
*Everyone poofs into room*  
  
Kristin: Alrighty! Now, I AM PREPARED! *Raises shield above head*  
  
*Five minutes pass*  
  
All: *Look up*  
  
Dead Wolfos: *Pinned up to ceiling by arrows*  
  
Kristin: Oh. *Takes down shield*  
  
*Dead Wolfos falls on Kristin*  
  
Kristin: I hate you.  
  
Samuel: Directly, that wasn't John, y'know.  
  
Kristin: *Shoots darts at Samuel*  
  
Samuel: *Gets knocked out*  
  
Danielle: Great. You're carrying him, Kristin.  
  
Kristin: Already carrying somebody.*Points to Floppy Disk* NYAA!  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Domino: *Pops in* Enough! He's entering the Water Temple. I'll take ya there.  
  
All: *Get poofed to the Water Temple*  
  
[1] Once I hacked up a phelgm ball onto the ham I was eating. It was gross.  
  
[2] When I first played OoT I thought Link was being digested. Oh, the stupidity of my brain.~_~  
  
[3] Sound familiar? Like the Ring Wraiths do in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring? They crawl an' sniff. ^_^ 


	11. Chapter 11 Those Three Magic Words

Author's Notes:  
  
Sweetpea: WAZZZUUUUUPP!!! And so we introduce Chapter 101 of this insane and crazy story!  
  
Domino: Uh, Sweetpea? I think that's 10.  
  
UnicornGirl: No, it's 8!  
  
Icy: 13!  
  
Kokkan: 15!  
  
Freakees: 16!  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: Uh, guys? Why don't we just check the script?  
  
All: *Glare at Rabid Chipmunk* That would be too easy.  
  
UnicornGirl: We could ask the characters in the story...  
  
DeathAngel: That would be the smart thing to do. And we can't have that. But I disgress. It's Chapter 11.  
  
Icy: *Blinks* And you know that how?  
  
DeathAngel: Last chapter was number 10. Morons. *Rolls eyes*  
  
Rest: ...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
All: *Pop into entrance of Water Temple*  
  
Kristin: *Nods solemnly* This is the temple that brought us here.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Danielle: Well, come on!  
  
All: *Enter temple*  
  
Charity: I think I'll detest this temple. *Nearly gets hit by a bomb* IE!  
  
Cherri: What in the world?!  
  
John: (On middle platform) WHERE IS THE STUPID DOOR?! *Throws bombs everywhere*  
  
Kristin: *Hops into water, paddles over to John* Temper, temper. What's wrong?  
  
John: Now you guys are here? *Jumps on Kristin* At least I got a boat now.  
  
Kristin: WAAAAGH! *Flails* I wish wood didn't float...*Sniffs*  
  
Rest: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Kristin: *Paddles over to other side* GET OFFFFF!  
  
John: Whatever. *Steps on Kristin's head, jumps off* Took you guys long enough.  
  
Cherri: Well, excuse us. Haven't you gotten through the temple yet?  
  
John: Does it look like I have? The stupid temple seems different in real life.  
  
Danielle: So you can't even get through the-*John brandishes Master Sword* ...Never mind.  
  
John: Good choice.  
  
Samuel: Well, how are we going to get through?  
  
DeathAngel: *Pops in* Orders from Domino to take you directly to Morpha.  
  
Kristin: *Climbs out of water* Hey! No way am I missin' Dark Link!  
  
DeathAngel: *Shrugs* Have it your way.  
  
Kristin: At BK, ya got it!  
  
Rest: *Blink*  
  
DeathAngel: ...Right. Anyhow, I'll transport you to the Dark Link area then. After that, give a yell and I'll transport you to Morpha's chamber. *Transports everyone to Dark Link's area, pops out*  
  
Danielle: *Looks around gray lake thingie* Cooool.  
  
Kristin: HA! No invisible walls THIS time! I shall reach those ruins! *Runs flat into an invisible wall* Ouch.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: *Wanders past tree, turns around.* There he is.  
  
Phantom: *Walks up* Hi! How are you? Lovely weather we're having. So nice you could all join me. Let's throw a party!  
  
Rest: Eh?  
  
John: What the heck is this?!  
  
Navi: *Flies up* Hey! Look! Listen! The real Link is so evil that insteada Dark Link, there's Light Link!  
  
John: You mean I have to fight Light John?  
  
Navi: Light Link!  
  
John: John.  
  
Navi: LINK!  
  
John: JOHN!  
  
Navi: LIIIIINK!  
  
Light John: Now, now, let's stop this useless fighting. Let's all bake cupcakes instead!  
  
Charity: *Perks up* Cupcakes?  
  
Light John: *Beams* With pink icing and rainbow sprinkles!  
  
Kristin: Mein gott, this guy is so nice it's sickening.  
  
Light John: You're feeling sick? Should I get you some medicine?  
  
Cherri: She's...fine...  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA!  
  
Samuel: Do we still have to fight him?  
  
Navi: Oh, well, yes and no! You can't kill him by attacking, for light defeats all, like it does in all the stories! But! You must whisper three magiiiic wooooorddssss.!  
  
John: Tell me 'em!  
  
Navi: *Whispers in John's ear*  
  
John: *Turns to Light John* Hey, guess what.  
  
Kristin: Those are the three magic words?  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma?  
  
John: Of course not!  
  
Kristin: THOSE are the three magic words?  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA?!  
  
John: NO YOU MORONS!  
  
Kristin: What strange magical words.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: Morons. *Turns to Light John* I hate you.  
  
Light John: What?! HATE?! I'm meeeeellltttiiiiinnggg...*Melts into puddle of sugar water thingie*  
  
All: *Blink*  
  
Danielle: That was different.  
  
Samuel: Yeah, I'd say so.  
  
Kristin: I still dun like the Water Temple.  
  
Celina: *Pops in* Did someone say water?  
  
Cherri: WHO is this?!  
  
Kristin: Ah. Celina is the opposite of Dilandau...Water is the opposite of fire...  
  
Celina: Oooh! A butterfly! *Grabs butterfly, kills it*  
  
Rest: .*Blink*  
  
Celina: *Eats random slug*  
  
DeathAngel: *Pops in* Nice job. Sorry about Celina, seems Dilandau took a break. *Zaps Celina out of room* Anyway. Time to move out. *Transfers everyone to Boss Chamber*  
  
Navi: LOOK OUT! That water that looks like water but isn't water though it appears to be isn't WATER!  
  
Cherri: What is it?  
  
Navi: The old clear Pepsi! It didn't work out in stores, so they dumped it here!  
  
All: ...  
  
John: Good grief. Kristin, set the trap.  
  
Kristin: Nooooo.  
  
Samuel: Every time...you think she'd learn by now just to do it. *Puppy eyes*  
  
Kristin: Nooo! Nooo! Noooo! I SAY IT ONCE MORE! ...alright.  
  
Rest: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Kristin: *Hops onto platform* Whoooo boy.  
  
Floppy Disk: Moooooma.  
  
Clear Pepsi: *Gurgles, swirls around, turns into...(Dun dun dun)...MORPHA!*  
  
Morpha: *Grabs Kristin and Floppy Disk, flings them across room* Gurgle.  
  
Kristin: GAAAAIIIEEEE!!! *Sticks to spikes* Bah.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: Attack!  
  
Rest: *Swarm Morpha*  
  
Morpha: Guuuurgle! Gurgle! *Squishes away from group*  
  
Kristin: GEEEET! MEEEEE! OOOOOFFFFF!!! *Squirms*  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOMMMAAA!  
  
Charity: IIIIEEEEHOOOBA! *Runs at Morpha*  
  
*Beat*  
  
Samuel: What was that?!  
  
Charity: My battle whoop. Now hush! *Continues running at Morpha*  
  
Kristin: *Finally squirms off spikes, examines holes in back* Meepers jeepers.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Charity: *Leaps onto Morpha, sinks through watery skin...er...whatever*  
  
Cherri: Get her out! She's gonna drown!  
  
Samuel: And that's bad...why?  
  
Kristin: *Punches Samuel*  
  
Charity: *Reaches Morpha's nucleus, whips out toothpick, sticks it into nucleus*  
  
Morpha: GURGLE! *Shoots Charity across the room, dissolves, nucleus explodes, you get the point. Eheh.*  
  
Charity: See! It worked! I WON! *Dances a jig*  
  
Samuel: Dangit. *Fumes*  
  
*Blue light and heart container appear*  
  
Kristin: Alright, time for the customary fight. I set the trap, I get the container!  
  
Charity: I beat the boss!  
  
Samuel: I almost lost my sister!  
  
Danielle: I...I didn't do anything, did I?  
  
Cherri: Nope. Me neither.  
  
Danielle: Bah.  
  
John: I should get it for no other reason then I am the main character.  
  
Kristin: MAIN CHARACTER?! Excuse me?! My muses are the ones writin' this! I'M the main character!  
  
*John and Kristin promptly fight*  
  
Cherri: *Eats popcorn* This is better then TV.  
  
Floppy Disk: *Amist the confusion, grabs Heart Container* Moooommaaaa.  
  
Kristin: *Promptly stops fighting, pets and coos at Floppy Disk*  
  
John: ...Hmph. Moron. *Glares at everything in sight* Anyway, I'm heading out. See you guys later. *Steps in blue light, vanishes*  
  
DeathAngel: *Pops in* Alright, we're getting out of here. *Everyone pops out*  
  
*In the infamous Chamber of Sages*  
  
John: *Pops in* And now I get to meet the oh-so-wonderful Ruto. *Sarcastic*  
  
Ruto: Took you long enough! But now, we can get MARRIED! *Beams*  
  
John: ...What have I done to deserve this...?! I'm too busy, anyway.  
  
Ruto: Too busy?! ...We must maintain our long distance relationship then!  
  
John: ...Uh, what relationship?  
  
Ruto: *Ignores John's comment* Therefore, I will give you this...the Water Medallion! *Water Medallion appears over John, smacks him on the head*  
  
Celina: *Pops in* Another person says water...This is annoying. *Sulks*  
  
Kokkan: *Pops in* Soooorry! *Grabs Celina, pops out*  
  
Ruto: WHO WHERE THOSE WOMEN?!  
  
John: *Grabs Water Medallion* A crazy psycho and some girl that changes into a pyromaniac albino male.  
  
Ruto: Of all the people to cheat on me with you pick THEM?! *Bursts out crying*  
  
John: Okaaay. Bad mental picture, that. *Looks at Water Medallion* Hey, this is a wrapped chocolate piece. *Glares at Ruto*  
  
Ruto: *Wails* For being unfaithful, that is all you get! Don't even ASK for a cookie! *Pops out*  
  
John: ...Wha? *Blinks, gets teleported out of Chamber of Sages*  
  
Sweetpea: *Pops in* And that's where it ends, peoples, until next time. Reviews are nice. They feed us muses. Else we eat the characters and the stories dies. HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Kristin: *Steps in* Ignore her. The story will continue, reviews or no. BUT REVIEW! *Steps out*  
  
Sweetpea: ...So much for threats. *Sulks off* 


	12. Chapter 12 Paint the Nekkid Troll!

Author's Notes:  
  
Kokkan: BOOYA! We have hit Chapter 12! Chapter 12 is more weird than funny, I tell you!  
  
Freakees: .Scary! So, I'm the host of today's chapter. Out, Kokkan, OUT!  
  
Kokkan: Hmph. *Scuttles out*  
  
Freakees: Now! Welcome to Chapter 12. Read, review, and get on with your life. None of us own Zelda. Warnings? The usual. Ciao! *Walks off*  
  
Kokkan: *Pops back in* Recently, we haven't done the RRR. Apologies. We will do so now. If we missed your review...apologies. Ahem. FREAKEES! ON WITH IT! O.o  
  
Freakees: *Pops back in* Alrighty. TailZ Theo - Pleased you likies. Ah, wondering about Floppy Disk? John (co-author) and myself figured it would be funny if I suddenly... "had a baby". While at their house, I saw a floppy disk and shrieked that so help me I was going to name it Floppy Disk. ^^ Chapter 11 wasn't as comical for the reason that, slowly, inspiration is leaking. However, with the returning help of John, expect the humor to rise. Kayrie - We need to get Navi back in here! Next chapter will (if I remember) have more [annoying] Navi. Zeldachik: ...*Blinks*...No more Pepsi blues for you! ^^; Glad you like. Kat - AH! PLOT HOLE! Er...the Fire Medallion...will turn up...^^;;; And that is aaaall of the reviews. Now to the chappie!  
  
Legend of Zelda: Game Reality Chapter 12  
  
All (excluding John): *Pop into Kakariko Village*  
  
Charity: Oooh, what rush.  
  
*All walk forward*  
  
Danielle: *Pauses* Hey, waitta minute, isn't this the part where the thingie comes out of the well and beats us up?  
  
Samuel: Oh, this is SUCH a lovely game. *Sulks*  
  
Kristin: Calm down! As long as John isn't here we'll be FINE! The game will mistake us for viiiiillagers! *Laughs insanely and falls over*  
  
Cherri: .Okaaaay. Er.*Looks up* Incoming!  
  
Kristin: *Stands up* Eh? What're you talking abou-AAAAH! *John lands on her*  
  
John: Just wanted to drop by, heh heh.  
  
Kristin: *Crawls out from under John* YOU MEAN.MEAN.Mean.mean.um.BEAN! Yeah! YOU MEAN BEAN!  
  
John: I'm offended. *Rolls eyes*  
  
Kristin: *Waves PDS* YOU SHOULD BE!  
  
Cherri: Kristin, that was sarcasm.  
  
Kristin: .You people are all goosebuckets! *Sulks*  
  
*Beat*  
  
John: .Right. Kristin, go forward and get attacked.  
  
Kristin: But won't it mistake me for a villager?  
  
John: Go forward and get attacked.  
  
Kristin: .Err.no.  
  
Samuel: Don't make me use the puppy eyes!  
  
Kristin: Noooo! Not the puppy eyes! *Runs frantically to the well*  
  
Well: *Blows up, out comes the terror of terrors.*  
  
Kristin: A SWARM OF TERMITES?!  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA?!  
  
Termite Leader: Veeee seeee voooooood! ATTAAAAACK, JAAAAAA!  
  
Kristin & Floppy Disk: *Promptly get swarmed by hungry termites*  
  
Danielle: What a beeeyoootiful showing. Anybody else want popcorn?  
  
Charity: I'll have some. *Grabs handful of popcorn* This is delicious. Very buttery.  
  
*In background, a half-eaten Kristin (with one leg remaining) and Floppy Disk hop around screaming, chased by termites*  
  
Danielle: Thank you, I use only the premium butter. It gives it delectable taste.  
  
*In background the termites catch up to Kristin and Floppy Disk and begin gnawing on Kristin's leg*  
  
Cherri: *Nods sagely* The more you pay, usually the better the quality is, right?  
  
*Kristin's pained screams fill the air*  
  
Danielle: But of course.  
  
Samuel & John: *Blink, look at each other, shrug*  
  
John: Must be a girl thing.  
  
Samuel: .Yeah.  
  
Cherri: *Finishes out last of popcorn* Delectable. Hey, where's Kristin?  
  
*A pile of sawdust swirls in the breeze*  
  
Charity: Ah.whoops?  
  
Kristin: *Pops in with Floppy Disk* YOU EARTH WORMS! How daaaaaaare you leave me ALONE WITH THOSE EEEEEEVIL.popcorn? Buttered?  
  
Danielle: Uh.yeah. One kernel left. *Holds out kernel*  
  
Kristin: DIIIIIIIIIISGUSTING! *Falls over*  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma?  
  
Samuel: What in the world...?  
  
Kristin: *Jumps up* Anyway, trap's been pulled. Heh. Heh. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Cherri: *Smacks Kristin* Snap out of it.  
  
Kristin: AHAHAHAhwackamoleysmoleyweebeejeebieMOOLAH! *Snaps out of it* AH HAD NO AHDEA! *Blinks* Where am I?  
  
Cherri: *Growls, slaps Kristin's head again*  
  
Kristin: PIGGIE MAH LOOOOOOOVE! *Snaps out of it again* Oh, hi Cherri. What just happened...? I remember something about DIIIISGUSTING BUTTERED POPCORN!  
  
Charity: ...You're aggravating.  
  
Kristin: WHERE IS MY MOUTH?! *Cherri slaps her* BUUUUUURRRRRIIIITTTTTTOOOOOOO!!! *Slap* I LOVE THE LITTLE TACOS! I LOVE THEM GOOOOOOOOOD! *Slap* I'LL HAVE A CLASSIC POOP! *Slap* BUT IF I DON'T HAVE A TACO I'LL EXPLODE! I GET LIKE THAT SOMETIMES! *Slap* SUCH TACOS WILL I GIIIIIIIIIVE! *Slap* THE PLUG THING! IT'S NOT PLUGGED! *Slap* POINTY HAAAIIIRRRR!!! *Slap* LET'S GO TO MY ROOM, PIG! *Slap* HOW HE WILL PAAAAAAAY!!! *Slap* OH THAT'S JUST STUPID! *Slap* AH MISS YOU CUPCAKE! *Slap* WWWHYYY, PIGGIE?! AH LOVEDED YOU!!! *Slap* BUT IF YOU DO THAT THEN HE WON'T BE YOUR ENEMY SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO SEND IN A ROBOT TO KILL HIM SO HE WILL BE YOUR ENEMY SO YOU WILL-*Head explodes*  
  
John: What, if I dare to ask, was that?!  
  
Cherri: Oh, she gets these phases sometimes where she spouts of quotes from random TV shows or movies. This time it was Invader Zim.  
  
John: I'm not even gonna pretend to ask. *Throws fairy on Kristin*  
  
Kristin: *Head pops back, comes alive* Whoa, did I have a phase again, Cherri?  
  
Cherri: Yep. Invader Zim.  
  
Kristin: ALRIGHT! We're all DOOOOOOOMED!  
  
John: ...Off to the Shadow Temple.  
  
Sweetpea: *Pops in* Hi guys! Freakees sent me. She said this has gone on long enough, and to transport you to the temple of sssshaaaadows...  
  
*All pop out*  
  
*In the Shadow Temple*  
  
Sweetpea: Well, see you! *Flashes peace sign, pops out*  
  
Kristin: *Shivers* I'm scared of this temple...*Latches onto John* SAVE ME!  
  
John: *Smacks at Kristin* Get off!  
  
Kristin: BUT I'M SCAAAAAAAAAAAAARED! *Sobs uncontrollably*  
  
Charity: PAINT THE NEKKID TROLL!  
  
Kristin: *Passes out*  
  
Samuel: Paint the WHAT?!  
  
Charity: *Dons tweed jacket, and beard wig thingie, whips out pipe (finest weed in the Shire!) then sits on rocking chair* You seeeeee, sonnies, when Kristin and I were WEEEEEEEEE little lads-  
  
Kristin: *Wakes up* Lasses. LASSIE! HERE BOY! *Passes out*  
  
Charity: Er.lasses.but that ruins my grandfather look.er.ANYWAY! There twas a Norweeeeeeeeeegian waiter named Bob.  
  
Kristin: *Wakes up* Twas not Bob, twas.twas.a Norwegian name. Like Hamlet or something. ROMEO! ROMEO! EAT MAH PICKLED BEETS, ROMEO! *Passes out*  
  
Rest: .  
  
Charity: As I was SAYING...the Norweeeeeeeeegian waiter named Bob, or Hamlet, or Romeo...  
  
Kristin: *Wakes up* Jest call him Frank, m'dear. *Passes out*  
  
Charity: HESH UP, SWINE! The Norweeeeeeegian man, named Bobhamletromeofrankmdear offered us weeeeeeeee little lads-  
  
Kristin: *Wakes up* LADS?! I had a gender change! WHOO BABY! *Passes out*  
  
Charity: ...A dessert...called PAINT THE NEKKID TROLL!  
  
Kristin: *Wakes up* It didn't have a belly button. *Sobs* Why did they not put the belly button on? I loveded you, belly button!  
  
Rest: ...  
  
Danielle: Can we PLEASE just get going?!  
  
*At air vent room*  
  
Kristin: Uh uh. No way. I AM NOT GOING IN HERRRRRRRRRE!  
  
John: Why. Not.  
  
Kristin: Because I have been murdered by guillotines, pushed off a cliff edge by a Stalfos, and given the NOOOOOOGIE OF DOOOOOOOOOOMIE!  
  
Rest: ...  
  
Samuel: *Shoves Kristin into room*  
  
Kristin: AH! WAAAAAAAAAIT! *Gets in way of air flow, slams into wall* OOOIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaa...*Falls into abyss*  
  
Rest: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Rabid Chipmunk: *Pops in, nibbling on acorn* WAAAAAZZZUUUUUUUUP? Orders from Kokkan to take you to the Boss Roomie of Doomie, because this chapter needs to be done so the readers stop hacking our heads off. *Nod nod*  
  
*All get popped into the room above Bongo Bongo*  
  
John: Kristin, set the trap.  
  
Kristin: Well, I would say no and thus make Samuel do the puppy eyes of doom, but Bongo Bongo has a nice little trampoline-  
  
John: It's a drum.  
  
Kristin: -DRUM, then, oh picky one-  
  
John: Just being correct.  
  
Kristin: -SHUSHNOWOHPIIIIICKYCORRECTONE and I wanted to bounce on the drum.  
  
Samuel: Still, for the sake of tradition...*Puppy eyes*  
  
Kristin: AAAAHAHAHAHAHA! *Leaps down hole*  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOMAMAMAMAMAMA!  
  
Kristin: *Bounces on drum* OOOOH MEEE DARLING BOOONGO BONGO! Where for art thou BONGO BONGO?! Be a HAPPY HIPPO!  
  
Bongo Bongo: Boing, boing, BOOOOOING! *Slaps Kristin*  
  
Kristin: WAAAAHAHAHOOOOOOOBOOOOOOBAAAA! *Falls into acid, begins to melt* I'm meeeeelting...melting...boohoohoo...  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOma!  
  
Both: *Promptly die*  
  
Bongo Bongo: *Scratches eyeball* I know I haven't flushed the toilet for awhile, but this is ridiculous.  
  
Kristin's Ghost: *Shoots up* YOU MEAN THIS ACID IS YOUR TOILET?!  
  
Bongo Bongo: *Twiddles thumbs* Now, now, a monster's gotta do what a monster's gotta do...  
  
Kristin's Ghost: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! I'M COVERED IN BONGO POOOOOOOP! *Sobs, fades away*  
  
*Rest of group now drop in arena. Much bouncing occurs.*  
  
*John and Samuel draw swords*  
  
John: Prepare to die Bongo-Bongo. You seriously need a more sinister name. I mean Bongo-Bongo?? That makes me think of Spanish dancing.  
  
Bongo-Bongo: I'll work on that after I kill all of you. *starts pounding*  
  
Samuel: Bouncing to hard. Can't hold sword. *drops sword punctures drum*  
  
Bonbo-Bongo: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?? YOU'VE DESTROYED MY DRUM!!!! *Starts pounding acid. Burns hands. Shrivels up and dies*  
  
Samuel: *Stares at burning Bongo* I'm a genius.  
  
Danielle: Alright then, time for theeeeeeeee: Fight-Over-the-Heart- Container-Which-Will-End-In-Floppy-Disk-Getting-It.  
  
Cherri: *Looks around* But...Floppy isn't here...*Blink blink*  
  
Charity: Aie! Twill be a space-time paradox! *Falls over*  
  
John: Well, for once, let's let one of us get it. *Runs over to Heart Container, grabs it* I got it! I got it! I am the MASTER! *Insane cackle ensues*  
  
Rest: ...Blink...  
  
Samuel: Hey, wait a minute, you didn't get it...  
  
John: Yes I did! See? *Points up to heart indicator, which now has extra heart*  
  
Samuel: But...it's right there. *Points*  
  
John: ...! It's a glitch! The Heart Containers must be used to Floppy Disk, and refuse to disapear until it grabs one of them! Grab 'em, everyone!  
  
*Excessive grabbing ensues. Heart indicators reach...well...a thousand.*  
  
*Kristin and Floppy Disk pop out of toilet acid, perfectly alive*  
  
Kristin: WE RETURN, VALIANT CITIZENS! MAY YOUR HOT DOGGIES ROAST TO PERFECTION!  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA! *Reaches for Heart Container* Moooomma!  
  
Kristin: Aw, how cute! *Pats Floppy Disk, looks at heart displays* WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS CHEESE?! ...I just won't ask.  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAA!!! *Grasps at Heart Container*  
  
Kristin: Well, time to go...*Walks away from Heart Container*  
  
Floppy Disk: #@#&*^@#^@#^ MOMMA! *Bites Kristin's leg*  
  
*Loud screams reverberates throughout room. Oooh, I'm using big words today.*  
  
John: For crying out loud...*Kicks Heart Container to Floppy Disk*  
  
Floppy Disk: *Grabs Heart Container, eyes shine with joy* Momma!  
  
John: *Starts to disapear* Haa, see you, suckers! *Pops out*  
  
Danielle: ...One of these days we'll kill him before he pops out...*Glare*  
  
Rest: *Pop out, pop in at Spirit Temple*  
  
*In the Chamber of Sages*  
  
John: *Pops in, looks around* Uh...hellooooooo? There is a serious lack of Sage here...  
  
Impa: *Pops in* WAAAAAAAAAAAAAZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP?! Sorry I'm late, I took a wrong turn after leaving the Sheikah Pool and Spa. ^_^  
  
John: *Slowly blinks*  
  
Impa: *Slaps self* Crud, I just left the medallion at the spa! Eh...be right back! ^^; *Zips off*  
  
John: *Taps foot*  
  
*Time passes*  
  
John: *Tosses bombs off side of platform*  
  
*Time passes*  
  
John: *Swims in water*  
  
Impa: *Zips back in* Sorry, couldn't resist doing a couple laps in the pool...Eh? *Blinks*  
  
John: *Curled up in ball, snoring*  
  
Impa: Er...Your friends are beating the Spirit Temple, y'know.  
  
John: *Shoots up, lunges for Medallion* I don't want to hear your garbage aboutsaving Zelda! *Pops out*  
  
Impa: ...Well! ^_^ Back to the spa! *Zips off*  
  
*In front of the Spirit Temple*  
  
John: *Pops in, puts on Iron Boots, and lands on archway in front of Spirit Temple*  
  
Kristin: *Tossing cheese bombs at spinning cactus thingies* I wonder why John isn't here yet...?  
  
Charity: *Now dressed in Sheik costume* Guys...does this make me look fat? *Spins around*  
  
Samuel: Shut up, Char. *Punches her*  
  
Charity: @_@  
  
Cherri: It's a shame we can't just go in...If John didn't have the Master Sword we could just go back in time and go through that small hole.  
  
Kristin: Yeah, well...He's late again!  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma! *Points up frantically*  
  
Cherri: Awwww, what's up, Floppy? You want some food?  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOMMMMAAA! *Waves hand upwards*  
  
Danielle: I think he wants a high five. *High fives Floppy Disk*  
  
Floppy Disk: *Hides head in hands, braces self* Moooommmaaa...  
  
*John lands with a loud SMACK on Kristin*  
  
Charity: Ooooh! John was up there! ^_^  
  
Danielle: Oy vey...~_~  
  
Kristin: GET OFF! IRON BOOTS?! YOU TYYYYYYYRANT!  
  
John: *Looks down innocently* Ooooh, did I land on youuuu? Clumsy me. ^_^  
  
Cherri: LET'S GET GOING FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! *Picks John up, tosses him inside Spirit Temple*  
  
Samuel: Woooow...Iron boots and everything! Er...I'm on your good side...right?  
  
Cherri: Don't press your luck. GET INSIDE! _  
  
Rest: *Quickly run in*  
  
*Inside the Spirit Temple...mini five minute flashback! Oooohhh, feel the power!*  
  
John: *Crashes through dead and then living and then dead again as John crashes through the statue hoppy thing.*  
  
*Pieces of dead then living then dead hoppy statue thing hit other dead now living and very mad statue hoppy thing*  
  
Statue Hoppy Thing: *Comes alive* Hello, my name is Albert. *Hands John small business card that says: "How's My Stomping? Call 1-800-55-STOMP"*  
  
John: ...Huh? *Looks up, sees the Attack of Albert approaching*  
  
Albert: *Stomps repeatedly on John* How am I doing? Any discomforts? I do hope so! One more successful case, being yourself, and I'll win a Christmas bonus! ^_^  
  
John: What if I give you a Christmas bonus?  
  
Albert: Why, that would be absolutely splendid!  
  
John: You take Rupees?  
  
Albert: But of course.  
  
John: *Gives Albert 999 Rupees*  
  
Albert: Ah! How kind! However! I am the villain, as you can see! Therefore, I shall take THIS Christmas bonus, and earn my OTHER Christmas bonus! *Continues stomping*  
  
John: Er...dude, Christmas was yesterday.  
  
Albert: *Stops* Oh dear. Well, I like to plan ahead! *Stomp stomp stomp*  
  
John: *Is reduced to bloody pulp...looks up, and sees the rest of the group eating popcorn and cheering for Albert* When I get out of this...I'm going to make you guys sorry you scratched my truck...! *Starts concentrating*  
  
Albert: Dear me, what is he doing?  
  
Kristin: He's...playing Charades? A duck?  
  
Danielle: No...wait...he looks like he's building up something!  
  
Cherri: The laaaast time he built...up...something...HIT THE DIRT!  
  
*At Lon Lon Ranch...How peaceful*  
  
Malon: Oooo oooo oooooooo oooo oooo ooooooo ooo o ooo oooooo...*Singing*  
  
Animals: *Cringe in pain for horrible screeching*  
  
*Sudden blast coming from Gerudo valley knocks Malon over and into nearby haystack, effectively muffling her*  
  
Animals: *Wave 'Go John' flags*  
  
*At the Spirit Temple*  
  
Danielle: *Sigh* He's always like that at home. We go through more windows daily then the average American does in a life time.  
  
Kristin: Is he...alive? *Peers over edge*  
  
*Shotgun clicks, and fires*  
  
Kristin: *Goes flying into Silver Gauntlets brick, head sticks* AAAAAAAAH! *Pushes frantically against brick* Geeeeeeellllppppppp!!!  
  
John: *Emerges from crater, holding bow and Ice Arrow, then shoots Ice Arrow at Samuel*  
  
Everyone: *Freezes*  
  
John: ...Whoops. Didn't mean to freeze everybody...^^;  
  
Samuel: *Whips out his trusty toothpick, picks at ice*  
  
John: We'll be here awhile...*Sits down, starts checking E-mail*  
  
Charity: Con wu eck moh aaaahhmuuuulll?  
  
John: Sure, I'll check your E-mail! *Blinks* Aaaah, my conscience is killing me...  
  
Danielle: Conscience?  
  
John: You stay out of this! *Whips out Fire Arrows, thaws Cherri and Charity*  
  
*Cherri and Charity looks at each other*  
  
Charity: After you. ^_^  
  
Cherri: *Calmly walks over and decks John, bows and gestures to John* Your turn, Char?  
  
John: *Gets up, rubbing chin* ...Last time I do anything nice...  
  
Charity: *Calmly skips over, decks John* ...Ah. I feel better already.  
  
John: ...Definitely the last time I do anything nice. *Passes out*  
  
*Chapter suddenly pauses* Sweetpea: *Pops in* Wazzup? Review the chapter or be stabbed to death with a garden spade, ala Night of the Living Dead! ^_^ 


	13. Chapter 13 DEATH, DOOM, and MIIIILKSHAK...

Author's Notes:  
  
Kokkan: Here is lucky chapter 13, where the group visits the Spirit Temple. *Horns toot*  
  
Icy: And now on to the RRR! Phantwo: Yes, I dislike the Shadow Temple as well...too scary...(And now all Redeads remind me of Night of the Living Dead. Ooooo. ~_~)  
  
Domino: Anyway, R/R. On to the story!  
  
***  
  
*Five hours later*  
  
Cherri: I'm telling you, you NEED to!  
  
John: I don't WANT to! It's humiliating!  
  
Charity: *Looks sagely and wise* It is your duuuuuuty! *Giggles insanely*  
  
John: Nope. Not gonna do it.  
  
Cherri: Do it for us? *Puppy eyes*  
  
John: Not listening. Not listening! *Covers ears*  
  
Charity: Plllleeeeeaaaaseee? *Puppy eyes*  
  
John: *Puts on headphones*  
  
*Reliant K booms throughout area*  
  
Cherri: *Slices walkman off John's belt*  
  
John: Aw, come on, it cost me fifteen bucks!  
  
Cherri: DO IT!  
  
Charity: NOW!  
  
John: I DON'T WANNA BE A KID!  
  
Charity: I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us Kid...*Starts tap dancing rather badly*  
  
Mysterious Voice Full of Joy: I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Charity: *Whirls around* Samuel's free?!  
  
John, Cherri, & Charity: *Facefault*  
  
*A little one millimeter hole is poked through the ice*  
  
Danielle: *Rolls eyes, yanks out MYSTERIOUS OBJECT! And then yanks out a match*  
  
Cherri: What is she lighting?  
  
John: It looks like a-  
  
*Room explodes*  
  
Danielle: *Stands among chunks of ice, calmly blows out match* Gotta love my toys. ^^  
  
Samuel: *Continues poking*  
  
John: *Sweatdrops* Glad she doesn't have them in real life.  
  
Kristin: Uuud uuu eeet eeeee uuuuttt ufffff eeeeeeeeeere!  
  
Charity: John, you're the official mumble translator. What'd she say?  
  
John: I didn't catch it. Cherri & Charity: *Crack knuckles, ball fists*  
  
Danielle: *Calmly tosses a bomb up and down*  
  
John: You know how good I am at baseball...  
  
Cherri & Charity: *Approach John*  
  
Danielle: *Reaches for match*  
  
John: Nope! I heard it! I heard it! She said: "Would you get me out of here."  
  
Cherri & Charity: *Look at each other* Should we hit him anyway?  
  
Danielle: *Laughs evilly, lights bomb, tosses bomb at John*  
  
John: *Whips out Master Sword, bats bomb away*  
  
*Incidentally, the bomb lands on top of Kristin. Thus, Kristin is blown out of the hole, and crashes into Samuel's infamous block of ice, effectively shattering it.*  
  
Samuel: *Stares in awe at toothpick* It worked! It really worked! *Cries tears of joy*  
  
John: See? Told you I was good at baseball.  
  
Cherri: Now, John, be a kid again.  
  
John: Why not just get Floppy Disk to do it?  
  
Danielle: *Smiles sweetly* Floooppy Diiiiisk...We need a bit of help. See, thereâEs these Gauntlets at the end of the-  
  
Floppy Disk: *Shakes head negatively* Momma.  
  
*An hour later*  
  
*John is shuffling Mountain Dew cards in the corner. Cherri, Charity, Samuel and Kristin are playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Danielle is persuading Floppy Disk, still attached to Kristin's leg, to get the Gauntlets. Not much luck in that department.*  
  
Danielle: *Sits down, sighs* I give up. Not even the offer of a chocolate reward worked.  
  
John: *Puts cards away* You finally give up? C'mere.  
  
*Danielle walks over to John. John whispers in Danielle's ear. A lightbulb appears over Danielle's head. This lightbulb falls to the ground, and rolls into the desert. Once there, it is blown into the Gerudo compound, where it lands on a Gerudo's spear and lights up*  
  
Gerudo: *Gasps* I have the light! I HAVE THE POWER!  
  
*Disco balls drops, and Gerudos appear in disco costumes. "I've Got the Power" blares in the backround*  
  
Gerudos: *Disco dance* OOOOOHHHH YEAH! DANCE! WHAT A HOT BEAT!  
  
John: *Pops up* Can we sort of get back to US?!  
  
*Oh. Right. Sorry about that. ^_^; Back to our....heroes...BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Heroes? That's the funniest thing I've heard all day! AHAHAHA-What? I'm still on the air? AAACK! O_O*  
  
Danielle: *Races over to Floppy Disk, whispers in Floppy Disk's ear*  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAA!!! *Shoots off*  
  
Kristin: I never knew Floppy Disk could detach itself from my leg!  
  
John: *Eyes bug out* Uh...it didn't.  
  
Kristin: *Looks down* MY LEEEEEG! IT'S GONE! FLOPPPPPPYYYYY DIIIIISSSSSK! GET BACK HERE, YOU FOOOOOOOL! YOU STOLE MY LEG!  
  
Samuel: Wait a minute...John knew how to make Floppy Disk leave the entire time...  
  
Cherri: That means...  
  
Charity: Our waiting could have been prevented!  
  
Danielle: I swear, I know where you sleep!  
  
*Everyone turns to Kristin for an equally sinister phrase*  
  
Kristin: I can't stand! I can't stand! I can't-*Falls over*  
  
John: *Sweatdrops* Well, it was too amusing watching Danielle try...  
  
*Everyone glowers*  
  
John: And then watching you all play Rock Paper Scissors was very entertaining...  
  
*Everyone draws weapons, excepting Kristin, who is twitching on the floor and foaming at the mouth*  
  
John: And besides, no one asked me.  
  
Danielle: He does have a point there...  
  
Everybody Else: Can't we beat him up anyway?  
  
Floppy Disk: *Triumphantly returns* MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMAAAAAAA! *Tosses Gauntlets to John, receives Heart Container in return*  
  
Kristin: NOW GIVE ME BACK MY LEG, YOU OVERGROWN TURNIP!  
  
Floppy Disk: *Eyes tear up* Moooommmma...*Starts crying*  
  
Kristin: AWWW! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! I didn't! Just give me my leg back, pleeeaaaasseee!  
  
*Floppy Disk lunges at Kristin, a brilliant light fills the room*  
  
Everyone: *In awe* Woooowww...  
  
*Light fades*  
  
Everyone: ...Um...  
  
Kristin: YOU'RE ATTACHED TO MY HEAD?! *Has leg sticking out of head*  
  
Floppy Disk: *Shrugs* Momma.  
  
*After several tries, in which Kristin had a leg on her arm, back, stomach, shoulder, over her mouth (which the others wished to keep it there, mind), finally Floppy Disk was back where it belonged.*  
  
John: *Puts on Gauntlets* Whoa...*Walks over to mirror (don't ask where it came from) takes off tunic and white shirt, and is suddenly muscular, ala Spiderman*  
  
Danielle: Aw, John, PUT IT BACK ON! GROSS! I CAN'T BELIEVE-OOOOH! PUT IT OOOOOOOON!  
  
John: *Flexes muscles* Whoa, it's like Spiderman!  
  
Peter Parker: *Pops in* HEY! This is copyright infringment! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER!  
  
John: Er...that is to say...Whoa, this scene is inspired by Spiderman...?  
  
Peter Parker: Hm...I guess that's better. See you! *Swings off using that...sticky...web stuff. Yep.*  
  
John: Heh heh heh...I'm so powerful! *Gloats*  
  
Kristin: Hey now! You're not the only powerful one around here! I'm stronger then you are, and I don't even HAVE Gauntlets!  
  
John: Prove it.  
  
Kristin: *Skips over to large block, starts pushing it* See? It's working! IT'S WORKING!  
  
*Block moves one millimeter*  
  
Samuel: Actually, Kristin, I think you're making a fool of yourself.  
  
Kristin: I am the Kristin that says NAY! NAAAAAAAY! I'm STRONG! STRONG, I SAYS! STRO- *Muscles suddenly sag from the torture of trying to push a block*  
  
Everyone: *Sweatdrop*  
  
Samuel: Just let John move the block so we can LEAVE, shall we?!  
  
Cherri: Good point.  
  
John: *Straining to push it* This thing is heavy, y'know...To heck with it! *Punches block*  
  
Block: *Promptly flies down hallway, hits wall, shatters*  
  
John: *Stares at Gauntlets* Whew, I could get used to these.  
  
Danielle: When we get home, PLEASE don't put a hole in the wall. Mom'll throw a fit.  
  
*Our heroes proceed through the Spirit Temple, where they come upon Mr. Iron Knuckle, who comes before the Mirror Shield. Which doesn't make sense, but whatever.*  
  
Iron Knuckle: ZZZZZzzzzzzzz...  
  
John: So, who should wake it up?  
  
Danielle: *Yanks out bomb* I could!  
  
Charity: NONONONO! NO SHOWER OF BOMBS!  
  
Danielle: *Blows out match* Daggommit!  
  
Samuel: Who should do it?  
  
Cherri: Danielle can't, she'll destroy the temple.  
  
Danielle: *Sticks out tongue* Pfffffft!  
  
Samuel: How about you?  
  
Cherri: Pft, no! I'm not that insane.  
  
Samuel: I can't. I have to...um...protect...er...you know what I mean.  
  
Cherri: Yeah, you mean you're a chicken. Charity can't, because Zelda is an essential character.  
  
Samuel: Kristin?  
  
Kristin: *Falls over, foaming at mouth*  
  
Samuel: Then again, maybe not.  
  
Cherri: Hey now...  
  
Both: *Evilly look at John*  
  
John: *Looks up from shuffling cards* What?  
  
Cherri: *In sing song voice* Bet you couldn't stand in the middle of the room and hit him between the eyes with an aaaaarrrrooooooooowwwwwwwwww!!!  
  
John: Wanna bet! *Calmly walks up, yanks out bow, reach into backpacks, drops backpack yanks out arrow that is camouflage with yellow and orange feathers* Step back and watch me go to work!  
  
*Horns toot*  
  
Rest: *Back up*  
  
John: *Bends bow, shoots Iron Knuckle between eyes, turns around* What now?  
  
Danielle: Er...behind you...*Points*  
  
Iron Knuckle: *Advances towards John*  
  
*A ring of flames pop up between John and rest of company, leaving the rest of the company and John's backpack outside of the flames*  
  
Kristin: WHAT IS THIS?!  
  
Floppy Disk: MOOOMMMMA?!  
  
Charity: That wasn't supposed to happen!  
  
Danielle: After analyzing the present predicament concerning the current bonfire, my hypothesis would have to be that the technical world, or game in common tongue, that we find ourselves situated in, believes that John and the Iron Knuckle must duel together, without any interference.  
  
Rest: *Blinks*  
  
Kristin: You're scary when you're smart.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Iron Knuckle: *Raises axe*  
  
John: Oh crap.  
  
*Axe connects with John's head. Sickening crunch ensues*  
  
Charity: Ouch.  
  
John: *Gets flung against flames, burn* Ahhhhh! Ouch...Time to get serious. *Draws sword and shield*  
  
Iron Knuckle: *Moves in again*  
  
*Dramatic music blares*  
  
Danielle: *Goes through John's backpack, takes laptop, checks E-mail* Hey John! You got an E-mail!  
  
John: *Dodges axe* From who?  
  
Danielle: Adrian! He wants you to move his bishop to A 4!  
  
John: HA! PERFECT MOVE! I MOVE MY QUEEN TO-*Gets hit by axe*  
  
Danielle: To where? I didn't catch that!  
  
John: Forget it! I'll do it later!  
  
Rest: *Roasts hot dogs in flame*  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
John: *Hits Iron Knuckle on head with sword* This is not working. *Pulls out bow, shoots Iron Knuckle with Ice Arrow*  
  
Iron Knuckle: *Dies*  
  
*Fire disappears*  
  
John: @_@ *Falls over*  
  
Rest: How on Earth did you get the Ice Arrows?  
  
John: @_@  
  
Charity: He dodges the QUESTION!  
  
John: @_@  
  
Danielle: I think he has his ways to get that stuff...  
  
Cherri: This is kind of redundant. Why are we asking this again?  
  
Charity: Good point. Let's wake him up.  
  
Samuel: I've got it. *Pokes John with toothpick*  
  
John: *Wakes up, slices Samuel's arm off with sword* ...Sorry. Reflex.  
  
Samuel: AAAAAAAAH!  
  
Danielle: Don't worry, happens to me all the time. ^-^  
  
Charity: *Sighs, walks over, yanks out stitching equipment*  
  
Samuel: Is this gonna hurt?  
  
Charity: I hope so.  
  
Samuel: O_O  
  
*Far off, in Gerudo Village*  
  
*Gerudos are still grooving to I've Got the Power, and shrill screams come from the direction of the Spirit Temple. The light bulb falls off of staff, hits the ground, shatters. Music screeches to a halt, and disco ball mysteriously vanishes*  
  
Gerudo: Awwww...back to guard duty...*Sulk*  
  
*Back to the Spirit Temple, thankyouverymuch*  
  
*After stitching Samuel's arm (which DID hurt, thankees), the company approaches the WALL OF DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*  
  
Charity: WHAT IS THIS?! O_o  
  
Danielle: Don't worry.. It's all about TIMING. Watch and learn, peasant. *Falls off* AAAAAH! *Throws bomb at wall, wall moves faster*  
  
Charity: *Gets halfway up, neck thingamabob gets caught in moving tiles* AAAHHHHHH!!! HERE COME THE SPIKES!!!!!  
  
Samuel: *Throws heroic toothpick and gets her off* Aren't I the greatest?  
  
Charity: No.  
  
Cherri: *Whips out handy-dandy swords and starts climbing up*  
  
Charity: She's actually gonna make it!  
  
Cherri: HA! I'M BETTER THEN ALL OF YEEEEEEEE!  
  
Samuel: Number one, I haven't tried yet. Number two, John hasn't. Number three, Kristin hasn't. Number four, your sword is caught, y'know.  
  
Cherri: Eh? *Tries to yank right sword out of wall* HEY! HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!! I'M NOT GREAT ANYMORE!  
  
Kristin: Were you ever?  
  
Cherri: SHUT UUUUUUUP! *Falls down, lands on Kristin* Sweet revenge.  
  
Kristin: Mmph.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Samuel: *Looks up and imposing Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!, then looks at Kristin and Floppy Disk* Ladies first.  
  
Kristin: DON'T YE CALL MAH FLOPPY DISK A LAHDY!  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma?  
  
Samuel: But what IS it?  
  
Kristin: I dunno.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma! ~_~  
  
Kristin: *Looks at first* Nonono, gentlemen first.  
  
Samuel: Ladies..  
  
Kristin: YOU!  
  
Samuel: YOU!  
  
*Samuel and Kristin get into fistfight*  
  
John: *Sighs, whips out long shot and fires at the top* Seeya.  
  
Danielle: YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN USE YOUR ANGER TO BLOW UP STUFF!  
  
Cherri: Oh great.  
  
*At Lon Lon Ranch*  
  
Malon: Oo o oooooo, oo o oooooo, ooo oooo oooooo, oooooo oooooooo, ooooooooo oooooooo...*Mushrooms cloud appears in direction of Spirit Temple* Ooo? *Shrugs* Ooo o oooooo, ooo ooooooo oooooooo...  
  
*Sound of thunderous galloping ensues*  
  
Malon: Ooo oooo ooooo oooo...*Listens* Oo? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *Gets trampled by Epona* Oooo!!! X_X  
  
*Back at Spirit Temple...AGAIN! I AM SICK OF THESE SCENE CHANGES! WHERE IS MY LAWYER! MY ATTORN-*Gets punched* @_@*  
  
*The Spirit Temple is slightly leaned over to one side, making the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES! Become a ramp of sorts*  
  
Danielle: *Standing in rubble* You know, I've just thought of something.  
  
Rest: *Burned*  
  
Danielle: John has never used the Ocarina.  
  
John: Oh great.  
  
Kristin: *Brushes cinders off head* Well, Link plays wonderfully...you should do well.  
  
Charity: Yeah, go ahead!  
  
John: If you insist...but I warm you, I play the guitar, not the flute.  
  
Danielle: I'm sure it'll work the same. *Throws backpack at John*  
  
John: *Yanks out guitar, amplifier, power generator*  
  
Cherri: Then again, maybe this was a bad idea.  
  
John: *Plays Epona's Song on the guitar*  
  
*Thunderous galloping ensues*  
  
Kristin: Why are we asking for Epona in this te-AAAAAAH!  
  
*In slow motion, with violins in the background, Epona gracefully surges into the room. She gracefully stomps on Kristin, with beautiful crunching sounds ensuing as she runs up the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*  
  
Kristin: Eerrrrrr...X_X  
  
John: Guess I should be the hero and get you all up here.  
  
Epona: *Nod nod*  
  
John: *Feeds Epona sugar cube*  
  
Epona: O_o *Goes on sugar high*  
  
John: *Jumps down* Who first?  
  
Rest: O_O  
  
*After much ado, screaming, and Epona cursing, everyone is finally atop the Wall of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*  
  
John: So where are all these milkshakes I keep hearing about?  
  
*Shut up.*  
  
John: Okay.  
  
*Thankees. Anywho, our heroes (snicker) are now to the point where the statue goddess' face is burned off, thanks to the mirror shield*  
  
John: O_O! Wait a second!  
  
Rest: *Everyone stops*  
  
John: Cherri is Nabooru!  
  
Rest: O_O OMIGOSH! The profoundness is astonishing!  
  
John: That means...  
  
Cherri: Means?  
  
Rest: YOU'RE EEEEEEEVIL!  
  
Cherri: I beg your pardon?  
  
John: Well, you do try to kill us.  
  
Cherri: I BEG YOUR PARDON?!  
  
Kristin: You turn into an Iron Knuckle and try to kill us!  
  
Cherri: WHAT IS THIS GAME?! O_o THIS IS MEAN! I DEMAND A LAWYER!  
  
Rest: ~_~  
  
Cherri: *Starts disappearing* AH! AH! HELP!  
  
Background Music: I wish we'd all been reeeeeaaaadyyyyyyyy...  
  
*Epona is promptly chewing grass at Hyrule Grass N Go, in case you were wondering*  
  
John: Now what? I can't kill her. I have vowed never to hurt a girl.  
  
Kristin: Well, think of it. Charity, Danielle, and I are all girls. We could fight her, perhaps.  
  
Samuel: You guy'll get killed. You're weak.  
  
Danielle: *Yanks out bomb and match* You were saying?  
  
Samuel: With the exception of Danielle, of course.  
  
Danielle: ^_^  
  
John: I got an idea. I'll block her attacks, you guys knock the snot out of her.  
  
Rest: *Nod nod*  
  
John: Now, everybody has to get inside the head.  
  
*At Lon Lon Ranch*  
  
Malon: *In body cast* Oooo ooo ooooooo...ooooo oooo ooooooo...  
  
Navi: I MUST GET TO LIIIIIIIINK!  
  
Malon: *Mouth wide open* Ooooooo oooo-*GULP* Eee! Eee! Can't breathe! Can't ooo-ooo anymore! *Falls over* X_X  
  
Navi: *Crawls out of mouth* Wrong turn. *Listens to scream of fear coming from Spirit Temple* MUST SAVE LIIIIIINK!  
  
*Back at the Spirit Temple, after everyone has been taken inside the head*  
  
All: *Stand in front of door with Boss Lock on it*  
  
Samuel: Wait just a minute. Who has the Boss Key?  
  
Rest: *Look around*  
  
John: Forget this. *Punches door, door falls over*  
  
All: *Come pouring in*  
  
Kotake and Koume: YE FOOOOOOOLS! YE INTRUDE! PREPARE TO FACE DE IRON KNUUUUUUUCKLE!  
  
John: Now hold on a second. Let us think about this for a second, and get equipped. THEN you can let us face the Iron Knuckle.  
  
Kotake and Koume: Er...okay...  
  
Everyone: *Huddles*  
  
John: What all do we have for weapons?  
  
Charity: I have some Light Arrows...but you're not supposed to know that yet.  
  
Samuel: I got a couple toothbrushes, and the HEROIC TOOTHPICK!  
  
Danielle: I have two bombs left. Two. I got two. ONLY TWO!  
  
Kristin: I have my Pointy Deku Stick!  
  
Danielle: It's dull. Kristin: NO MORE SHARPIEEEE! *Bursts into tears* Anywho, and I'm outta darts.  
  
John: I'm out of arrows. My shotguns are in the truck...I just have my sword and shield.  
  
All: *Look around*  
  
Charity: There's weapons on the walls!  
  
All: *Evil grin*  
  
*Ten minutes later, they huddle again*  
  
John: Now what do we have?  
  
Charity: I have some armor...and a bow and some arrows.  
  
Samuel: I have two Gerudo swords, and...AN UPGRADED HEROIC TOOTHPICK!  
  
Danielle: I reloaded my bombs, and two short swords.  
  
Kristin: I've reloaded my darts...and an UPGRADED POINTY DEKU STICK! Never dulls! Made at Pointy Deku Sticks That Never Dull R Us! ^_^  
  
John: I have some chain mail...I've reloaded my quiver. And two knives. Are we ready guys?  
  
Everyone: *Brandish weapons* Let's go.  
  
John: *Turns to Koume and Kotake*  
  
Koume and Kotake: *Sipping tea and reading Witches Digest*  
  
John: Now we are ready to fight.  
  
Koume and Kotake: Goodie! *Throw tea against wall* Oh loyal Miiiiiiiiinion!  
  
Giant Iron Knuckle (GIK): *Walks in*  
  
John: Okay, remember the plan. I block, you guys hit. Capiece?  
  
Rest: *Nod*  
  
Kristin: I'll lead the charge! FEAR THE UPGRADED PDS! *Charges*  
  
*Kristin leads the charge with a resounding battle cry. As she brings the PDS against the armor, she promptly bounces off, hit's the far wall, and slides down.*  
  
Kristin: Ouch. @_@  
  
John: Charity, stay back and barrage it with arrows. We'll go in.  
  
Rest Excluding Charity and Kristin: *Charge*  
  
GIK: *Swings axe, hits all three with one stroke*  
  
*Arrows clink all over GIK's armor*  
  
GIK: *Turns and charges Charity*  
  
Charity: AH!  
  
John: Catch! *Throws Nayru's Love at Charity*  
  
Charity: *Catches it, and uses it*  
  
GIKL: *Screeches to a halt, pokes at Blue Diamond* Eh? O_O?  
  
Charity: HAHA! *Sticks out tongue*  
  
Danielle: *Leaps on top of GIK, sinks swords into GIK's head*  
  
GIK: Aaaaaiieeee!!! @_@ *Rears back*  
  
Charity: *Shoots arrow, hits GIK's unprotected neck*  
  
Danielle: *Falls off GIK*  
  
GIK: *Groans, falls over*  
  
Cherri: *Emerges from armor* It's about time! I was stuck in there watching Gilligan's Island reruns! _  
  
John: Well, it wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world...  
  
Koume and Kotake: HHOOOO! You have defeated our MIIIIIIIIINION of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES! We must have her BACK! *Both shoots beams at Cherri*  
  
Cherri: AH! O_O  
  
John: *Leaps into path of beams, and raises Mirror Shield of DEATH, DOOM AND MI-(Gets slapped)*  
  
*Beams bounce back at Koume and Kotake, hitting them. They vanish*  
  
Kristin: Alright, where'd they go?!  
  
*Heart Container appears*  
  
All: O_O  
  
John: They're DEAD?!  
  
Floppy Disk: Moooommmaaa! 0_0 *Grabs Heart Container*  
  
All: *Disapear*  
  
*And there you go! See you next time!* 


	14. Chapter 14 Part 1 Ganon!

Domino: Alright, it's the last chapter. Sadly, we had some formatting problems-  
  
RabidChipmunk: IT CUT OUT HALF THE CHAPTER!  
  
Domino: So if anything is still screwy, we're working on it!  
  
UnicornGirl: O_o  
  
Domino: Anyway, it's been fun. See you!  
  
*In the Chamber of Sages*  
  
John: *Appears in a blast of cheesy special effects*  
  
Cherri: Hello there! ^_^  
  
John: Wazzup? Give me the medallion.  
  
Cherri: Medallion?  
  
John: YES.  
  
Cherri: I dunno how to do it.  
  
John: Just put your hands up and it drops down.  
  
Cherri: Oh! Okay. ^_^ *Raises arms*  
  
*Nothing happens*  
  
Cherri: O_O  
  
John: Don't look at me. I don't know.  
  
Cherri: Kazoom!  
  
*Nothing happens*  
  
Cherri: OPEN SESAME SEED!  
  
*Ditto.*  
  
Cherri: Zappo?  
  
*Hours later*  
  
John: *Has checked E-mail, thrown bombs, skipped stones, etc.* ZZZZZZzzzz...  
  
Cherri: I give up. -_-  
  
*Spirit Medallion flies down and bonks John on the head*  
  
John: Ow...What'd I miss? Oh, you got it. *Grabs Medallion* Thanks.  
  
Cherri: No problem.  
  
John: ...Hello? End the scene here, somebody...  
  
*Minutes pass*  
  
Little Man (LM): *Scuttles up to Cherri* The script, ma'am.  
  
Cherri: Oh, I have to say something? ^_^ Okay! *Reads* WHAT IS THIS?! _____ Danielle, teach him a lesson so he won't hurt anybody else!  
  
Danielle: With pleasure. *Throws lit bomb at John*  
  
John: *Dodges to one side, bomb rolls to door*  
  
Samuel: Well, at least no one's there...  
  
Charity: *Walks through the door* Hey guys! ^_^  
  
Cherri: O_O GET AW-  
  
Bomb: *BOOOOOOM*  
  
*Clouds blow away*  
  
Charity: X_X  
  
Samuel: *Runs over to Charity* ARE YOU ALRIGHT?! SPEAK TO MEEEEE!  
  
Charity: You're staaaanding on my stooooomach, idiot! O_O  
  
Samuel: Oops. Sorry. *Gets off*  
  
Charity: *Hacks* Anyway! I was supposed to give you these. *Tosses Light Arrows at John*  
  
John: This is kinda anti-climatic but...okay.  
  
Ganondorf: HOHOHOHAAAA! I KNEW YOU WOULD REVEEEEAL YOURSELF, ZELDA! Wait...did I? I don't know! WHAT AM I SAYING?! WHICH ONE OF YOU IS ZELDA?!  
  
Oh well. I'll just capture these two. Hope you like pink! It's the new black this fall!  
  
Samuel: NOOOOO! NOT PINK! BLUE! O_O  
  
Charity: Shaddup.  
  
*Samuel and Charity are promptly encased in a pink crystal*  
  
John: Stink.  
  
Ganondorf: I HAVE YOUUUUU!!! If you want the Princess, if this indeed the Princess...Are you the Princess?  
  
Charity: I don't know what I am at this point.  
  
John: Say yes!  
  
Charity: Yes?  
  
Ganondorf: Jolly good! Anyway, if you want them, come to my CASTLE! On second thought, don't... I just vacuumed the carpets, and you're bound to get mud in.  
  
Kristin: We'll wipe our feet.  
  
Ganondorf: Oh, jolly good! Tea is at six, please don't interrupt.  
  
John: Of course not. *Cracks knuckles*  
  
Ganondorf: Well, tally ho!  
  
*Crystal stays in place*  
  
*Minutes pass*  
  
Samuel: Hello? Aren't we being kidnapped?  
  
LM: *Scuttles up to John, whispers*  
  
John: Oh. *Walks up to crystal, punches it*  
  
*Crystal promptly starts spinning quickly around and around*  
  
Charity: SSTTTTOOOOOOOOOP!  
  
John: *Puts hand out, stops crystal* Sorry.  
  
Samuel: *Barfs*  
  
Charity: Oh lovely. Now I'm in a cramped crystal with barf in it. Thanks a lot!  
  
*Crystal disappears*  
  
John: Okay now. Onto Ganon's castle! It's five to six, we need to crash his tea party!  
  
Kristin: It is?  
  
John: YES!  
  
Kristin: Oh. Okay.  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
*Outside Ganon's castle, everyone is looking at the Rainbow Bridge*  
  
Danielle: Is it safe?  
  
John: Well, it should be. *Walks out on it* See?  
  
Kristin: Alrighty! *Skips out, falls through, burns in lava* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!  
  
*Kristin fries, then pops back up behind rest*  
  
Kristin: That hurt.  
  
Danielle: Wait...it knows John is supposed to walk across, because he's Link. But no one else is supposed to!  
  
John: Lovely. Now I have to carry you all over. Who's first?  
  
All: *Point at each other*  
  
*After the bridge, they go through maaaaany barriers! Then, they approach the door. Feel the suspense.*  
  
John: *Puts on Golden Gauntlets* Feel the power!  
  
Samuel: Did anybody collect the Boss Key?  
  
Kristin: I found it in a biiiig, shiny box! ^^  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Kristin: *Does victory dance*  
  
John: Just stick it in the lock and we'll all be happy.  
  
*The Door of DEATH, DOOM, AND MILKSHAKES!*  
  
All: WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE MILKSHAKES!  
  
*Sorry.*  
  
All: *Walk through door*  
  
Ganondorf: *Looks up, spits out tea, and throws flowery cup to the ground, thus staining his carpet* THAT IS IT! NOT ONLY DO YOU INTERRUPT MY TEA, BUT YOU BURN, STAIN, CUT, AND MUDDY MY FRESHLY VACUUMED CARPET! THIS IS UNTOLERABLE!  
  
John: *Starts attacking Ganondorf*  
  
Kristin: O_O! Wait a minute! O_O! THAT'S LEGOLAS!  
  
All: *Notice startling resemblance to Legolas*  
  
Kristin: *Eyes glow red* YOU HURT LEGOLAS! *Pounds on John*  
  
John: Ah! What is this?!  
  
Danielle: HOW DARE YOU HURT A FELLOW ELF!  
  
Cherri: Well...For no apparent reason, I'LL SIDE WITH THEM!  
  
John: WHAT IS THIS?! *Fends off attacks from Ganondorf, Danielle, Cherri, and Kristin* Enough of this! *Whistles for truck. Trucks appears, John leaps into the truck bed, where a mounted machine gun stands. Starts firing and shoots everybody in sight*  
  
Danielle: WHOO! *Falls off edge, lands on pots, holds up little white flag*  
  
Kristin: *PDS tip gets shot off, dart gun is obliterated* ;_; Waaaa!  
  
Cherri: *Swords get shot away*  
  
Ganondorf: *Suddenly has several holes in him* AIEE! O_O  
  
John: *Hops off truck, pats it* Go find a nice gas station.  
  
Truck: *Purrs, drives off*  
  
John: *Using ice arrows, makes barrier of ice around himself and Ganondorf, thus preventing Kristin, Danielle, and Cherri from any more lethal interruptions*  
  
Ganondorf: I can't believe I was beaten by a little KID!  
  
John: *Calmly walks over, hacks Ganondorf's head off* Believe it.  
  
*Ice barrier melts*  
  
Kristin: *Stares at beheaded Ganondorf, sniffles*  
  
*The pink crystal floats down, and breaks twenty feet from the ground. Samuel and Charity go flying to the ground*  
  
Samuel: Oooowwww! @_@  
  
Charity: FINALLY!  
  
*Tower starts crumbling*  
  
John: Don't worry about a thing. *Straps on jetpack* Grab onto each other's legs, and we can all get off.  
  
*A minute later, a long ladder of people flies off of the tower. John has the jetpack, followed by Danielle, then Samuel, then Charity, then Cherri, then Kristin*  
  
John: Whoops, I'm running out of gas.  
  
Kristin: WHAT?! O_O *Looks at hundred foot drop*  
  
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Fall*  
  
John: *Snickers and restarts jetpack two feet from ground*  
  
Kristin: Phew!  
  
John: *And promptly shuts it off again*  
  
Kristin: AH! O_O OOOOOOF!  
  
*Everyone lands on Kristin*  
  
Kristin: GET! OFF!  
  
John: *Sitting on top of pile, hands behind head*  
  
Danielle: GET OFF!  
  
*Skipping a few minutes, after much biting, kicking, punching, and screaming, the pile has vanished*  
  
Charity: Phew! That was rough. *Turns around* What was that?  
  
Ganon: *Erupts from rubble* WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEAR MY WRATH!  
  
Danielle: Creepy. O_O  
  
Ganon: *Turns into piggy self* I SHALL NOW STEAL THE MASTER SWORD!  
  
John: Um...I don't have it.  
  
Ganon: O_O  
  
John: *Swords pops in hand* Oh, hey, now I do.  
  
Ganon: AHA! NOW I shall steal it! *Steals sword, throws it over to Charity*  
  
Charity: AAAAAH-*Gets hit in the head by Master Sword* @_@ *Falls over*  
  
*Fire wall pops up, Charity is separated from rest*  
  
John: Don't worry, it's all of us - except Charity - against him, so we're okay. Besides, I've beaten this game about a hundred times.  
  
Ganon: *Hits John with sword*  
  
John: O_O *Flies into fire wall* ...ouch.  
  
Samuel: YOU HARMED MY SISTER! NEVER THROW POINTY OBJECTS AT HER! *Charges Ganon*  
  
Ganon: *Snorts, bats Samuel away*  
  
Samuel: AAAAAAAAHHHH!!! *Flies through wall of fire* Wa? I didn't get burned!  
  
John: *Burned* Let me help you out with that. *Yanks out fire arrows*  
  
Danielle: Focused! Focused you must be! Kill big pig man you must!  
  
John: Quit the Yodaness.  
  
Danielle: Sorry. Anyway! *Yanks out bomb bag, starts throwing bombs at Ganon* DIE DIE DIE!  
  
Ganon: *Bats Danielle through fire wall*  
  
Danielle: AAAAAAHHHH!!! *Lands on Samuel*  
  
Samuel: GET OFF!  
  
Danielle: *Looks at still lit bomb* Uh...hold this! *Scuttles off*  
  
Samuel: What the-*BOOM!*  
  
Danielle: *Waves at John* I GOT HIM BACK FOR YA!  
  
Samuel: @_@  
  
John: This is not working! 


	15. Chapter 14 Part 2 The End of the Madnes...

(Part 2 of Chapter 14)  
  
Cherri: AHA! Kristin, distract him while we run behind him and hit his tail!  
  
John: I thought you had never played this before.  
  
Cherri: THAT is not the point!  
  
John: Found the game book in my backpack, didn't you?  
  
Cherri: *Whistles innocently*  
  
Kristin: HEY NOW! I am NOT distracting him! You hear me?!?!?!  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma!  
  
Kristin: I've had enough! I am always used for distraction, but no longer! I WILL NOT BE A DISTRACTION! I WILL FIGHT! I WILL PREVAIL! I WILL NOT-*Notices shadow looming over her* ...Distract him?  
  
Ganon: *Roars, tossing Kristin through fire wall*  
  
Kristin: WAHOO! O_O  
  
Ganon: O_O!!! What is this? *Turns around, sees Cherri and John hacking at his tail* HOW DARE YOU! *Tosses John into firewall*  
  
John: *Sails into fire wall* ...that's gonna leave a mark.  
  
Ganon: *Bats Cherri into fire wall*  
  
Cherri: AAAAAH! *Slams into John*  
  
John: O_O The...fire...MOVE!  
  
Cherri: *Slumps to floor*  
  
John: *Shoots Ganon with light arrow*  
  
Ganon: I am now stunned! This ends your public service announcement.  
  
John: *Pokes Cherri* Say something! *Shakes Cherri* Speak to me! *Pours water on her face* If the game glitches now, I'm gonna hurt you!  
  
Cherri: O_O! *Wakes up, punches John in de face*  
  
John: *Blood comes out nose* Oh, not again...  
  
Cherri: O.O I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Forgive my reflexes!  
  
John: It's okay, let's just kill him first! *Points at Ganon*  
  
Ganon: I am now unstunned. This is the end of your public service announcement.  
  
John: I'll distract him, you hack at him. *Runs in front of Ganon*  
  
Cherri: *Hacks at his tail, blood squirts on her* AAACK! THIS IS DISGUSTING! I JUST WASHED MY HAIR THIS MORNING!  
  
*Ganon falls down, fire wall disappears*  
  
Cherri: *Sits on Ganon's head, starts stabbing him* AND THIS IS FOR RUINING MY OUTFIT! CLOTHES AREN'T CHEAP, YOU KNOW!  
  
John: O_O  
  
Cherri: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GET THE STUPID SWORD, YOU IDIOT!  
  
John: Oh. Right. *Runs over*  
  
Danielle: *Exchanges Master Sword with Biggoron Sword* There ye go.  
  
Kristin: We'll handle things here! Samuel's severely burned, and Charity's a bit whoozy, but we're okay! *Cheesy grin*  
  
John: Okay, me an' Cherri will finish things here. *Runs off*  
  
Danielle: What about me?! *Starts running towards John*  
  
*Fire wall pops back up*  
  
Danielle: WHAAAAA! *Slams into fire wall, flies back*  
  
Samuel: *Wakes up* I'm...awake! I'M ALIIIIIIIVE! *Danielle slams into him* Not again! ...wait...something...is burning? YOU'RE ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!  
  
John: Whoa...the fire wall affect you guys from the outside, but not from the inside. *Looks up* Why is that?  
  
LM: *Pops in* The writer says she can have loopholes. Live with it. *Pops out*  
  
John: ...okay. O_O  
  
Kristin: Uh...help? Guys! Stop running!  
  
Danielle & Samuel: *On fire, running around in circles, and screaming*  
  
Kristin: STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND ROLL! STOP DROP AND WHOOOOO! *Danielle rolls into her, Kristin turns into ball of flame* AAAAAH! I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!  
  
John: O_O *Watches as Kristin, Danielle, and Samuel run around in circles, screaming and burning* Cherri, wanna watch? This is very entertaining.  
  
*Five minutes later*  
  
*Cherri and John are sitting on lawn chairs, sipping Mountain Dew and watching Kristin, Danielle, and Samuel run around in flaming circles, screaming. Cherri is also cleaning her outfit off, since it's stained with Ganon's blood. Charity is still asleep, and Ganon is still in the background on one knee, waiting for the movie to continue*  
  
John: Just stay away from Charity, and it's all good.  
  
Danielle: I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! *Looks down, sees bomb bag right next to her flaming leg* Oh crap.  
  
*HUGE mushroom cloud appears*  
  
John: *Watches fire wall repel bombs* Oooooh.  
  
Cherri: Aaaaaah. Pretty fireworks.  
  
John: I suppose we should help them.  
  
Cherri: *Shakes head* No! I'm almost done cleaning my outfit!  
  
John: Oh, sure.  
  
Cherri: My outfit is fresh and clean! Okay, the fight can continue.  
  
John: Glad we have your stamp of approval.  
  
Cherri: Do you want to die?  
  
John: No, that's okay...  
  
Cherri: After you.  
  
John: No, after you.  
  
Cherri: I insist, after you.  
  
*Ten minutes later*  
  
John: After you.  
  
Cherri: *Tackles John, holds sword at his throat* After. You.  
  
John: O_O Okay, I'm going!  
  
Danielle: GO CHERRI!  
  
Cherri: Eh? *Looks over*  
  
*A still flaming Kristin, Danielle, Samuel, a still unconscious Charity are sitting (or, in Charity's case, slumping) in lawn chairs. They are sipping Code Red Mountain Dew. Kristin is holding up a huge banner with "GO CHERRI!" on it, and Danielle has a similar one that says, "KILL HIM!"*  
  
Cherri: Which one?  
  
Danielle: Why not both?  
  
Cherri: YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOUR BROTHER WHILE GANON IS STILL OUT THERE!?  
  
Danielle: No, after, of course. I'll help.  
  
John: *Glares* Do you want to get this fight going or not?  
  
Ganon: This is a rather uncomfortable position, I would appreciate continuing, if you Don't mind!  
  
Cherri: Of course. You may rise.  
  
Ganon: Thank you, my lady. *Bows humbly*  
  
Cherri: But of course. *Curtsies*  
  
John: What is this?! No one flirts with these girls but me! The short blonde one is fair game, But...*Charges Ganon*  
  
Danielle: HEY! SHUT UP!  
  
John: *Tries slicing at Ganon's stomach, but is thrown back*  
  
Cherri: *Sneaks around behind Ganon, slices at his tail, blood splatters all over her freshly cleaned outfit* O_O *Twitches* I will...control my temper...I will...control...it! YAAAAARGH! *Hacks at Ganon, slices his tail off*  
  
Ganon: OWWIE! *Whacks Cherri into pillar, pillar breaks, and Cherri slumps to the floor*  
  
John: O_O! Crapcrapcrapcrapcrap! *Runs over, sees Cherri covered in blood* If you die now, I'll hurt you! Or...rather...your corpse. *Holds up shield to face, pokes Cherri* Hello? You awake?  
  
Cherri: O_o YAAAAA! *Punches John in stomach*  
  
John: O.O *Groans*  
  
Cherri: I'M SORRY!  
  
John: Please...control...your reflexes.  
  
Cherri: ^^; Sorry!  
  
John: Um...now that his tail is gone, what do we hit?  
  
Cherri: *Runs up, whispers in John's ear*  
  
John: Hey, good idea. *Runs up, hacks at Ganon's toes*  
  
Cherri: And as revenge for ruining my outfit TWICE! *Slices his throat*  
  
Ganon: O_O Hack, wheeze, cough...*Falls over*  
  
*Dramatic music plays and John holds his sword back, waiting for Princess Zelda to charge it with her mystical power*  
  
John: ...hello? Any time now! *Turns around*  
  
Kristin: Uh, just one moment! We're having technical difficulties, so please remain seated until the ride resumes.  
  
Danielle: What?  
  
Kristin: O_O Um, nothing.  
  
Samuel: WAKE HER UP!  
  
Cherri: *Starts cleaning her outfit again*  
  
John: *Busy checking e-mail on laptop*  
  
Danielle: Come on, Charity, wake up! *Shakes Charity*  
  
Charity: *Still asleep*  
  
Floppy Disk: *Leans over, taps Charity* Momma.  
  
Charity: *Snaps awake* I am aliiiiiive!  
  
Samuel: You took my line. *Sulks*  
  
John: You need to shoot the beam that paralyzes Ganon and the beam that charges my sword!  
  
Charity: Oh, right! *Raises hands, dramatic music plays* ALRIGHT! *Thrusts hands forward*  
  
*Dead silence*  
  
Kristin: *Files fingernails* Charity? Wasn't something supposed to happen?  
  
Cherri: I HAVE IT!  
  
Charity: *Frowns* You know how to get my magic to work?  
  
Cherri: Of course not, I don't care about your stupid magic! I got my outfit cleaned again!  
  
Charity: O_O  
  
Danielle: *Walks up* Concentrate, you must.  
  
Charity: Stop with the Yoda talk! _O  
  
Danielle: Eheh, sorry...I just watched Star Wars last night.  
  
Kristin: But we were camped out in Hyrule Field last night!  
  
Danielle: *Points at John's laptop* DVD capabilities.  
  
Charity: O_O Ok-aaaaay...*Concentrates*  
  
*A majestic beam of light comes forth from Charity's hands. Sadly, she had failed to aim her hands, and so the beam hits Kristin and Danielle*  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Danielle: CHARITYYYYYYY!!! *Chases Charity around*  
  
Charity: I'm sorry! Don't kill me!  
  
John: *Hits Danielle with ice arrow* You kill her now, I'm gonna hurt you!  
  
Danielle: *Incased in ice* You chase someone around, and you end up frozen. Hmph.  
  
Cherri: Hey, John, lookit your sword!  
  
John: *Holds up glowing sword* Whoa, cool. Ganon, prepare to meet your...your...um... well, prepare to meet it!  
  
Ganon: *Tries to get up* I shall defeat yeeeee!  
  
John: *Hacks at Ganon*  
  
*Blood spatters on John and Cherri*  
  
Cherri: O_O!!! MY OUTFIT! *Censored* *Lunges at John*  
  
John: Now young lady, don't do anything foolish. *Waves hand up and down for emphasis, gets swords stuck through stomach* Well, I guess that wasn't exactly foolish...  
  
Cherri: HAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
*Sadly, John's blood spatters on Cherri*  
  
Cherri: O_O!!!  
  
Rest (excluding John): *Restrain Cherri*  
  
John: *Staggers up, stabs Ganon in the face*  
  
Kristin: You know, that has to be the longest fight scene in history.  
  
John: *Clutches stomach* Anybody have a fairy?  
  
Danielle: *With a farmer accent* Ah got ah toothbrush!  
  
John: Maybe if you'd use the toothbrush...  
  
Danielle: Shut up, John.  
  
Ganon: *Disintegrates*  
  
Kristin: He's dead! HALLELUJAH!  
  
John: I'm still dying here!  
  
*Everything turns a bright, annoying blue*  
  
Charity: Where are we?!  
  
John: IT'S THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! But no milkshakes!  
  
Game: A fatal error has occurred. This program will be terminated and any unsaved changes will be lost. Press Ctrl + Alt + Del to restart, or Esc to continue.  
  
John: *Hits Escape button* I don't wanna restart!  
  
*A blinding white flash lights the area*  
  
Floppy Disk: JOHN!  
  
Kristin: What the heck?! It said something other thaaaaaaaaaaa-*Vanishes*  
  
Kristin: *Lands on her couch, at her home, back to normal* Whoa. Was it all a dream?  
  
Floppy Disk: Momma.  
  
Kristin: AAAAAAH! O_o  
  
Floppy Disk: ^_^  
  
Kristin: *Looks up* AH! *Samuel lands on her* GET OFF! *Throws Samuel off*  
  
*Charity lands on Kristin, couch makes popping noise*  
  
Kristin: OFF! *Throws Charity off*  
  
*Danielle lands on Kristin, couch makes cracking noise*  
  
Kristin: OFFOFF! *Throws Danielle off*  
  
*Cherri lands on Kristin, couch makes loud groaning noise*  
  
Kristin: OFFOFFOFF! *Throws Cherri off*  
  
*John lands on Kristin, couch collapses*  
  
John: Ah. Did I miss anything?  
  
Kristin: OFF!  
  
Danielle: Look what I found! *Holds up Majora's Mask* It's the sequel to Ocarina of Time! *Sticks it in N64* Ocarina of Time's gone...Wonder what happened to it.  
  
Kristin: *Sniff* I kinda miss it.  
  
Cherri: Well, I'm thirsty. *Get up and fills cup with water* What's the cartridge look like? *Walks over to examine cartridge, trips over John, who is still lying on the ground. The water slams into the TV, making it fizzle. As she falls, she manages to hit the ON switch on the N64 and turn it back on*  
  
*A white light engulfs the group*  
  
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not again!  
  
Floppy Disk: MOMMA!  
  
Stay Tuned for Game Reality II: Majora's Mask  
  
*Credits begin rolling, Zelda's Lullaby Plays in Background*  
  
Now Starring:  
  
John as Link, the Hero of Time, random guard #6, Lon Lon Milk Driver, and little slappy boy!  
  
Cherri as Nabooru, the Spirit Sage, the chicken keeper, Gerudo guard #67, and Bombachu Bowling Alley keeper!  
  
Charity as Zelda, Princess of Hyrule and Sage of Time, chicken number 6, random Zora in scene #65, and extra in Castle of Hyrule scene #27!  
  
Samuel as Head Guard, Goron #55, lakeside laboratory scientist, and whopper fish in lake!  
  
Danielle as herself, horse #1, stray brown dog #99, and talking owl!  
  
Kristin as Freaky HalfSkullKidHalfHylian, chicken #4, random Lon Lon Ranch cow, and crate #3!  
  
Floppy Disk as itself.  
  
Also starring:  
  
Little Man as himself!  
  
Llama #9 as himself!  
  
Gerudo partiers as themselves!  
  
Malon as herself!  
  
Truck and Epona as themselves!  
  
Disembodied Voice as itself!  
  
Llama #679 as herself!  
  
Faith as Saria!  
  
The Dad as Deku Tree!  
  
Moose as himself!  
  
Ashley as Navi!  
  
Nick as Mido!  
  
Narrator as itself!  
  
Llama #501 as himself!  
  
The Almighty Authors as themselves!  
  
And finally...the muses as themselves!  
  
Written By:  
  
John: Comic Support & Llama Trainer & Moose and Llama Breed Consultant  
  
Danielle: Character Support & Explosive Director & Moose Stunt Coordinator  
  
Kristin: Typist & Stunt Director & Expert on DEATH, DOOM, AND MIIIIILKSHAKES!  
  
*All rights reserved. This story is for hilarity only. If you have no sense of humor, we highly recommend you do not read this. Of course, if you're reading this, it's too late.* 


End file.
